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kelpie.jpg, originally uploaded by Boju.

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog’s ongoing Monster Monday project, today I bring you a Father’s Day Monster from The Isle of Man

The Glashtin is a Manx water-horse ( not to be confused with a sea-horse) with a fondness for lonely girls, and has been know to feed off their bodies and blood. He’s a shape shifter who can transform from a sort of Mer-Horse into a perfectly handsome looking human, with horse ears. He can also appear as a half-man half-horse, and a normal horse. In each form he’s incredibly muscular and looking for someone to ride him, a journey which always leads back to the still waters he calls home, where his rider discovers they can’t jump from his back, and they get pulled to their deaths.

Glashtins can be put to good use, as farm hands, if you can control them,. They’re basically a horse with the hands of a man, or a man with the strength of a horse. Just watch your daughter and keep a fire burning. They’re scared of fire and vulnerable to burns (aren’t we all?).

Glashtins will often seek out lonely young girls, like run aways, or farmers daughters living far from cities and other people. They can appear as handsome young men, or even as the girls own father, anything to get in the house. They’re easily tricked by men in drag, who they mistake for ladies. Many a Glashtin has been put down by a gun toting farmer in a skirt. Forget fire, Trannies are a Glashtins real weakness.

There’s a famous tale of a Glashtin in the form of a girl’s long lost father appearing in a rain storm. She unlocked the door and welcomed him in. As he sat by the fireplace to warm himself, he removed his hat and the girl noticed he had horses ears. She grabbed a burning coal from the fire and burned that Glashtin, and he fled.

Folklore always talks about a weakness to fire like it some magic thing. As though if I jabbed a burning coal into the face of a human that’d be cool. They say if you set a wall on fire a Glashtin won’t cross it. I’m pretty sure in that scenario the Glashtin is the smart one, cause now your trapped in side a burning, albeit Glashtin free, house.

Happy Monster Monday everybody! It’s been a couple weeks since our last post. I just moved into a beautiful new house in Echo Park and spent last week doing blood pools on the set of Dexter, so I haven’t been at the desk for a spell.
This week the Dapper Cadaver blog brings you a creature from ancient Greece – Dossenus, the ever-chomping!
Dossenus is a monster who eats everything, like a Pac Man. He wears a theatrical Manducus mask, a classical greek drama mask which depicts a man chewing or grimacing. Or sometimes the Manducus is his sidekick and is a monster in it’s own right.
Beneath his mask Dossenus was part man, part animal, part manimal, and all monster. He could devour anything and the greeks and romans both feared he would devour the “Cosmic Theater,”- the universe. Kind of like a locust from hell.
The Dossenus is also the name of an order of jumping spiders that like to vibrate and bang their butts to make music and attract a mate. They also want to eat the cosmic theater.

As part of Dapper Cadaver’s ongoing Monster Monday series, today I bring you a very special tribute to all the mother monsters out there. It is a testament to our love of mothers and our sympathy for them that in the mythological tradition of 6 billion people spanning 10 thousand years I could barely find 10 beings that could rightly be called monster mothers. Those that do fit the bill though are terrifying and powerful indeed, like a rampaging mother grizzly horribly mutated and kind of hot.
10. Mother-Of-Fishes – As her name states, a giant fish that protects all the fish and creatures of the sea and inland waterways. Said to be a trout so large her back is an island with trees growing on it. MILF factor – 0

9. Gargamelle – Gargamelle is not just the evil alchemist who wants to eat smurfs or something in the smurfs, Gargamelle is also a giantess in French mythology and the mother of Gargantua. MILF factor not much judging from this picture

8. Mother Flog – Mother Flog is a stout little matron elf who hides in saucepans to catch greedy children in the act of ruining their appetites. She then flogs them mercilessly. MILF factor – despite a sexy name, Mother Flog just doesn’t follow through.

7. Coinchenn – A dog headed woman and the fatal protector of her child, the beautiful Delbehaem. A prophet told Coinchenn she would die once her daughter was engaged, so Dog-Head took to decapitating every young man who came within 50 feet of her daughter. The heads were displayed on brass spikes in Coinchenn’s garden. MILF factor – Delbehaem must have gotten her hot body from this half-milf, but Coinchenn was cursed with a head only a furry could love.

6. Bapets – Bapets are a monster already covered in the Monster Monday blog at Dapper Cadaver. These creatures were big breasted cannibals that loured toddlers away from their village and suckled them on poison milk. MILF Factor – What part of big breasted cannibal isn’t a turn on?

5. Medusa – Everyone should know about Medusa, the queen gorgon with hair of snakes whose gaze could turn a man to stone. But did you know she’s also a mother? Yep, she gave birth to Pegasus, the winged horse. Somehow. At the time she was shacking up with Poseidon, the sea god, so he’s credited as the father, but I’d seriously file a paternity suit if I was him. MILF factor – Medusa had a hot torso, and possibly a hot lower section (although sometimes that’s snakes too). But the whole line about “putting a bag on her head” probably started here, because not only was Medusa face ugly and covered in snakes, she could literally kill a man just by looking at him.

4. Queen Alien – The mother of all the badness in the universe is this giant, egg laying, face hugging, 4 armed, 2 mouthed freak. Still she was a loving mother and a lady through and through. As this photo proves she knew how to find the right high heels to go with her outfit. MILF factor – in space no one can hear her scream!

3. Grendel’s Mom – It’s a pity no one got her name, because in many ways she was the greater monster than her son, Grendel. She was also a loving mother, and like any good mother, when her son was killed she swore revenge and took to devouring and disemboweling those responsible. MILF factor – Grendel’s mom is the only monster on this list to ever be portrayed on film by Angelina Jolie, nuff said.

2. Lilith – Adam’s ex-wife has quite a varied past, and according to legend is probably responsible for far more miscarriages than births. Still, as a Queen among the Succubus she actually made an honest man out of Lucifer for a time, and bore him the magic androgynous goat demon Baphomet. Like all of her marriages though it didn’t last. She’s also been wife to many a demon, dragon, snake, and owl, and to most of them she’s born strange children. Thanksgiving dinner at the Lilith house should be a sight to behold. MILF factor -Totally desrving of her title of the ultimate seductress and source of nocturnal emissions.
1. Echidna – Seriously, who else but Echidna could hold the top spot amongst monster moms? Okay, so you might not have heard of her, but she is the undying nymph, the she viper, and the mother of all monsters. That means everyone from Dracula to Godzilla has to send her a Mothers Day card and a bouquet of flowers. Among the monsters she birthed were Cerberus, the Sphynx, the Chimera, the Hydra, and many more, including, according to the Greeks, all monsters everywhere. MILF Factor – She had the torso and head of a beautiful woman, the body of a snake, and unspeakable power. Pretty attractive so far, but with a title like the Mother Of All Monsters she must get pregnant at the drop of a hat, so in terms of wearing protection I’d recommend a suit of armor.