Today Dapper Cadaver’s Monster Mondays goes deep into the Laboratory to find the freakiest flies man has ever made. See, fruit flies are like legos to scientists. They’re simple, cheap, and both easy and fun to tinker with. The result is swarms of strange mutant flies nature never intend but with cool new features and new insights into helping people overcome horrible diseases and disorders. Below Are some of the best. Oh, and by the way, genes are named like drugs.

White Rabbit- Add the gene white rabbit to a fruit fly and you’ve got a fly that can’t get drunk. Why? To win fly drinking contests and help find a treatment to alcoholism.

Cheapdate – These flies get staggering drunk off the tiniest portion of booze. Again the reason is to help treat alcoholism, but the name leads me to believe these flies are being taken advantage of.

Gr66a – Flies that drink coffee.

Kojak – Hairless flies

Groucho – flies with moustaches.

Ken and Barbie- flies with no external sex organs but lots of hot  outfits and cars.

Kenny – flies which die quickly and violently all the time, just like Kenny on South Park!

Van Gogh – flies with swirling hair patterns like Van Goghs Starry night. Bred to swarm fancy cafes.

I’m Not Dead Yet (INDY)- flies which don’t age and live twice as long as natural fruit flies.

Fruity – Male flies with a mutant gene that leads them to court with other males.

Dunce– mutant flies unable to remember anything, despite electric shocks.

Go-go – mutant flies that twitch and shake.

Hot Shi.TS – a mutant flie that acts normal at room temperature but acts drunk in the heat.

Living Dead – flies that look dead but act alive. Zombies Flies.

Sonic Hedgehog – messes up hair growth of larvae.

Tricky Dick – flies with distorted male genetailia.

But wait, there’s more!

Every muntant fly man has discovered or mad is listed here

Today, Dapper Cadaver’s Monster Mondays has some sad news. Word is pouring in from China of new Dinosaurs, fluffy and covered with delicate colorful plumage. First it was the Velociraptors, once proud ninja’s of the dinosaur world, now just toothed roosters, complete with cocks-comb and dwaddle. More recent finds of fluffy dinos include several Tyrannosaurids. The greatest real monster to ever walk the earth is about to get a make-over in fabulous feathers. It’s absurd. Imagine you’re in a broken down jeep on Jurassic Park, you hear a thump, the water in your cup does that dino sensing thing that you keep cups of water in the car for, then you hear a deafening “Gobble-gobble-gobble” as the largest turkey you’ve ever seen steps out of the woods.

It hasn’t happened yet. The feathered Tyrannosaurids the Chinese have discovered aren’t the King beast, Tyrannosaurus Rex, just his scrawny uncles and cousins, but storm clouds are gathering on the distant pasts future. In 5 years time our children won’t be able to tell Big Bird from Rex, and in 10 years time I wouldn’t be surprised if we stopped calling Tyrannosaurs, Drommeosaurs, and Oviraptors “Feathered Dinosaurs” and started calling them “Toothed Birds.” It must be stopped. If we can make Pluto a planet again through through the shear force of nostalgia, then science be damned, we can keep TRex scaly and terrifying. Join me!

The idea of wearing feathers sickens T Rex’s only living relative, Godzilla.

But Godzilla may not be the only surviving radioactive mutant T Rex for long, apparently, one of the scientists who worked on Jurasic Park (I knew it was a true story!) is working on genetically engineering Chickens to give birth to mutant chicken-osauruses. I couldn’t make this stuff up.

Kids need scary monsters to eat there smaller toys and to team up with Batman in kids crayon drawings, to fight cowboys, give King Kong a run for his money, and, scientifically speaking, be 51% MOTHERFUCKER, 49% son-of-a-bitch.

Will T-Rex still be the motherfucker we love and fear if he goes from this to this?

its the new you

In closing, I would like to once and for all establish T-Rex as the scaly Tyrant King of Pimps by giving the people what we always wanted- Tyrannosaurus Sex

If you’d like to support the keep T-Rex scaly movement, you can help by buying a Tyrannosaurus skeleton.

Today’s Dapper Cadaver Monster Monday comes from a hot tip that came out just this weekend. The English language “Gulf Times” ran a translation of a Qatar story that featured this creepy photo, and the following text

“A mysterious figure resembling a human being was sighted on the Doha Corniche’s parking lot, according to a report published in a local Arabic daily.
The report is based on the statement of an Arab expatriate lady who said she had seen the strange figure near the Oryx statue while walking in the area.
Quoting the woman, the daily said she took a picture of it in spite of being terribly frightened.
“She was very soon surrounded by a large number of people who also attested to the fact of what she had seen . But it suddenly disappeared out of their sight when they tried to go near it,” the report added.”

Some have speculated it’s an escaped Aye-Aye, a kind of hideous lemur native to Madagascar but known to have hilarious adventures adventures in other parts of the world thanks to their anthropomorphic penguin pals.

Others think its a childrens toy (below) and the report that it scurried away is desert induced delierium, like when your buddy starts looking like an ice cream cone.

However, the government of Qatar knew that living self aware half-beast toys would be a problem, which is why they banned them four months ago.  There’s a website called Gen-Pets that purportedly sells living toys that are genetically engineered creatures with a 1 year lifespan and a mix of human and animal genes. The Qatar press ran a front page story on it which led to them nipping the frankentoy craze before the rest of the world even heard about it. They probably had a big problem with them, and this is on of the many gen-pets living feral on the streets today. Always remember to spay and neuter your freaks of nature.

qatar bans gen-pets

The article states “ Qatar has banned a toy called Gen-pets and had sent letters of warning to all of the Arabic countries to tell them about this toy and to ban it.”

The article also states”

• That the Jordanian Cabinet prohibited its import into Jordan
• That religious scholars consider it a violation of human rights and Islamic law “which prohibits mixing human genes and animal genes” (This is a quote from a religion professor at the University of Jordan).”

Also don’t get them wet or feed them after midnight

Now I know a lot of nay-sayers out there are saying that gen-pets are a hoax and the government of Qatar would look pretty foolish if that were true, but the feral gen-pet seen in a grocery store parking lot proves either they’re real, the press has made the populace terrified of dolls to the point of delirious paranoia, or you can get anything into a Qatar newspaper.

Bonnacon is really a creature where the less said about it the better. So I’ll just go straight to the source. Pliny the Elder, author of the worlds first Natural History Encyclopedia and one of ancient Greece’s most brilliant writers. His Natural History is over 160 volumes long and holds the closest thing we have to a complete record of Greek knowledge at that point. He must have thought no one would possibly read the whole thing when he slipped in this gem.

“Pliny- “There are reports of a wild animal in Paeonia called the bonnacon, which has the mane of a horse, but in all other respects resembles a bull; its horns are curved back in such a manner as to be of no use for fighting, and it is said that because of this it saves itself by running away, meanwhile emitting a trail of dung that sometimes covers a distance of as much as three furlongs (half a mile), contact with which scorches pursuers like a sort of fire.”

Yes, Bonnacon is Buffalo followed by half a mile of flaming dung. But words aren’t enough to convey it’s might. We need ridicules illuminated manuscripts of knights getting buffalo shit on them. Better bring a shield.

Todays Monster Monday from Dapper Cadaver travels down the spine of the Americas to Peru, circa 2000 years ago for a kind of person bizarre and real, the Dolichocephaloids or Peruvian Coneheads. There is currently a video going around getting a lot of attention saying they were found in Siberia. This video is wrong, they are from Peru.

What we do know about the Dolichocephaloids is limited, what we believe about them is vast, and what we don’t know about them is enormous.

What we do know – These guys had really long squash shaped heads. They were human. They lived in Peru roughly 2000 years ago. There were a lot of them.

Most had brains the same size as other humans (1400-1600cc) others had larger brains, up to 2000cc or 2 liters. If you want to experience how much larger that is get a human skull and fill the brain case up with soda. Empty a whole 2 liter bottle. Whatever spills on your desk is how much bigger their brains are then ours.

What we believe – leading scientific theories about the coneheads is they were an elite class of Peruvian, they seam to show signs in their graves of wealth and power. They do seam to be a class rather then a race of Peruvians, as they are almost always found with many normal people around them. It is believed that the conehead shape was achieved by binding an infants skull at a very young age to warp its growth. We believe they believed these deformed skulls would give them power, possibly mystical powers.

Pseudo-science believes these people are human-alien hybryds, a lost race, mystical mutants, psychics, telekenetics, and more.

The documentary “Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” explains a lot of these theories.

It’s also possible they deformed their skulls for the sake of beauty, similar to the beautiful deformities of foot binding and augmented breasts.

Some believe the deformations were done as punishments. Although it is known the Peruvians would often use mutilation as punishment against conquered peoples or enemies, the Dolichocephaloids seam both privileged and deformed in a way that could not be done quickly against someones will. However, recent findings of a conehead in a lower-class village with clearly mutilated bodies is extremely mysterious.

Since we haven’t shaped a human skull into that form in over 2,000 years, we only can hypothesize, and not test, how it was done and what effect, if any, it had on the persons brain and mental abilities.