Category Archives: Halloween
The Last Laugh – Funny Epitaphs, Names, and Headstones
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Every Halloween you seen funny headstones spring up like mushrooms from every front lawn. Most are good for a chuckle but not very realistic, they tend to be small, thin, and cartoonish.
Last year I carved a realistic headstone based on an actual old victorian design with the inscription I’m with stupid and arrows pointing to the headstones next to it. After that I started looking into real funny headstones. I added some great photos and epitaphs to my Halloween headstone section and found a great resource in the flickr group Graves to Make You Laugh
Yesterday I found the most amazing epitaph ever. It reads –
Two things I love most
Good horses and Beautiful
Women. And when I die I hope
They tan this old hide of mine,
and make it into a ladies riding
Saddle. So I can Rest in Peace
Between the two things I love
Most
I can just imagine being this guys son, having to visualize that every time I visit pops grave.
More real funny tombstones
“In the hundred and seventh year of her life…she had fresh teeth”Â
“I’m a busy man, I don’t have time for this”
“Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake”Â
“This ain’t so bad, once you get used to it”Â
“She always said her feet were killing her but no one believed her.”Â
“I made a lot of deals in life, but I went in the hole on this one.”Â
“Rusty Nail – He lived life to the max.”Â
“Life’s not just one thing after another, it’s the same damn thing over and over again.”Â
25 Essential Halloween Hits
There’s a real problem with the over the counter Halloween CD’s available out there. Check them out. I love “The Humpty Dance” as much as the next skinny weird looking dude, but it’s just not spooky.
I’ve been collecting Horror and Halloween themed records for years (and I’m working on putting together a radio show, watch this blog for announcements!). My collection reaches back into the early days of Appalachian Goth and Voodoo Blues in the 20’s and 30’s to the novelty record boom of the 50’s and 60’s, horror metal and prog rock ghost stories of the 70’s, right up into the current psychobilly revival of today. I’ve compiled the below list as just a sample, 25 tracks I consider an essential Halloween party soundtrack.
You might notice there is no “Monster Mash” on this list. That’s only because everyone knows that one already. I love the Monster Mash, i own Bobby “Boris” Picketts original LP, I’ve licked the grooves and I can swear it tastes like candy corn and glow stick goo. I named my grade school bike gang “the Crypt Kickers” after his band, and I’ve played it backwards for our midnight “orange mass” on Halloween. So no blasphemous Mash bashing allowed!
25 Essential Halloween Hits
1.“This is Halloween†– Danny Elfman or Marilyn Manson
2. “Dragula†– Rob Zombie
3. “Dead Man’s Party†– Oingo Boingo
4. “Day of the Dead†– The Misfits
5. “The Human Fly†– The Cramps
6. “Coolest Little Monster†– John Zacherie
John Zacherie was a Horror movie host, like a male Elvira, in the fifties, this song is a little like the 12 days of christmas, but with much better gifts like “a hat pin of bat skin” and “your own noose for home use”
7. “Bloody Hammer†– Roky Erickson
Roky was a man making Horror themed records in the heady days of psychadelia and prog rock when everyone took them selves so seriously. For this he was institutionalized and given shock therapy.
8. “Nature Trail to Hell†– Weird Al Yankovic or Rosemary’s Billygoat
Billygoat (pictured) amps up the weird and the rock on this cult classic
9. “Where They Wander†– The Horror Pops
10. “Pet Cemetery†– The Ramones
11. “The Blob†– The Zanies
12. “I Put a Spell on You†– Screamin Jay Hawkins
13 “The Monster Twist†– Tyrone A. Saurus
14. “Feed My Frankenstein†– Alice Cooper
15. “Fear of the Dark†– Iron Maiden
16. “Haunted Cathouse†– Nekromantix
17. “Red Right Hand†– Nick Cave
18. “Jack you’re Dead†– Louis Jordan
19. “Aim for the Head†– Creature Feature
20.â€The Vampire†– Archie King
21 “Wolf Woman†– KC and the Moonshine Band
This swinging rockabilly tune goes into the never before told intimacies of a man getting it on with a wolf woman. Great for parties, although references to “the hair on her chest” begins the gender bending implications. Bonus points for an awesome band name.
22. “Bloodletting†– Concrete Blond
23. “Rockula†– los straightjackets
24. “When Werewolves Collide†– Logan Whitehurst
Imagine a song about experimenting on werewolves to unlock their chemical properties. Now imagine it’s being song like it’s the theme song of a James Bond movie. Now imagine it’s being played on an accordion. If I just broke your imagination don’t worry, this song exists.
25. “Werewolves of London†– Warren Zevon
