Monster Mondays: Wisconsin Weirdos

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hodag_capture, originally uploaded by Boju.

This edition of Dapper Cadaver’s Monster Monday’s is dedicated to my lovely Wisonsonian wife, Eileen.

Wisconsinites are a weird breed. As well as the beer basket of America, they’re also the home of Barnum and Baily, the House on The Rock, The Forevertron, and the only company in America that still makes straight jackets for use in mental institutions. Likewise their monsters fall a bit on the strange side. The following beasts are only visible to Wisconsinians.

Hodag –
The beast pictured above. A small rhino/dragon like beast that is the earthbound soul of Minnesota’s Babe the Blue Ox. The hodag had risen from the ashes of the ox. It was born when Paul Bunyan’s ox, Babe, was burned for seven years to cleanse its soul of the profanity hurled at it by lumberjacks and its master. The cleansed part of the oxes soul went to Heaven, and from the earthbound ashes rose the foul smelling Hodag. The hodag is now a popular team mascot for various Wisconsin teams.

Rather than slithering, the hoopsnake bites it’s tale and rolls down hill like a hula hoop.

Spotted on a farm near Highway 82, the birdman is described as being 6 ft tall, with an enormous beak, and covered with yellow feathers. Farms where the birdman was seen recovered large yellow feathers. Young children in the area said they saw Sesame Street’s Big Bird outside their window.

A man lay in bed sleeping when her heard 2 droning voices. He opened his eyes without moving to see 2 mosquitoes over 1 feet long standing on his chest discussing their meal.
Mosquito 1: Should we eat him here or carrying him out?
Mosquito 2: We’ll eat him here. If we carry him out he might get stolen by one of big ones!
The Wisconsin mosquitos over 2 feet long are Gallinippers.

The Argopelter was rarely seen, and no distinct description exists. However, it was said to inhabit hollow tree trunks in the forest. From this vantage point the creature would await any unwary person and hurl wooden splinters and branches at him or her. Although the human could sustain serious injury, there is no record of assault past this initial bombardment.

A small gray rodent like creature unlike any found in Wisconsin. The Whatsit was found in 1939 on a farm in Elkhorn. Since everything on the farm was black and white, the farmer didn’t want a creature around messing up his color scheme so he gave the whatsit to a man named Adams. Adams found the Whatsit would eat only bananas and soon it gave birth to 2 little whatsits. The whatsit is now believed to be a Vesper Rat from Costa Rica.

Gillygaloo –
The gillygaloo is a large bird that lays square eggs on the sides of hills so they don’t roll away. It’s eggs can be hard boiled and used as dice.

Wolfman – Beast of Bray Road
Wisconsin is home to the most well documented werewolf in the world, and the only wolfman Cryptozoologists take seriously- The Beast of Bray Road. While it’s not believed to be Larry Talbots Wisconsin cousin transforming into a wolf, it is believed to be a six foot tall bipedal wolf, or if that’s too far fetched, then a wolf-like bigfoot named Eddy. Others think it’s a furry in costume pulling pranks. Others think it’s a regular wolf and people are hallucinating the walking around part.

Cheese Heads
These strange creatures are half-man half-cheese. They only come out from September to January. The young ones squeek. And most terrifying of all, they are unkillable