The Macabre and the Unusual

Weird Stuff

Death on Display: Morbid Anatomy Museum Opens in Brooklyn



A few of the specimens they have on display. source: Newsweek

We love this! There is now an entire museum devoted to death and macabre in Brooklyn. The Morbid Anatomy Museum showcases items “exploring the intersection of death, beauty, and that which falls in between,” according to their website. The museum’s curator; Joanna Ebenstein, grew the museum from her Morbid Anatomy Library “including more than 2,000 books on medical history, death rituals, the human body and esoterica” (New York Times). It recently moved into its new home, a 3 story former nightclub on 3rd Avenue in Brooklyn.

source: Morbid Anatomy Museum

Displays in the Morbid Anatomy Library. source: Morbid Anatomy Museum

The museum is currently showcasing an exhibit on “The Art of Mourning,” displaying pieces related to 18th-20th century mourning culture including hair art jewelry and shadowboxes, morbid photography, and death masks.



source: Facebook

Morbid Anatomy Flea Market source: Facebook


They even hosted a macabre flea market last week with vendors selling  curiosities, bones, and taxidermy. We wish we could have gone! On the east coast? They have frequent lectures and guests so be sure to check it out.

New Burial Trends: Putting the Fun in Funeral

Have you heard of these new funeral trends? A recent article in the New York Times shows a woman casually sitting at the table, beer can and menthol cigarette in hand.  She seems to be enjoying life, except she’s dead.  Apparently the newest trend in funerals is to decorate the deceased in either their favorite living pastime or living dreams. Funeral homes around the country are taking on this new option, but it is a not so new idea.  The article mentions Willie Stokes Jr., a notable gambler, who at his wake was propped up in a casket made to look like a Cadillac, wheels and all.  He was positioned with his hands on the steering wheel and holding $1000 bills, according to an article run in 1986 by the Chicago tribune.

source: New York Times

Louis Charbonnet, at her funeral. Source: New York Times

Willie Stokes Jr.

Willie Stokes Jr.

How about this one: know a person who loves their pet so much it becomes their child?  Well according to this story heard on NPR, a new law in Virginia gave cemeteries the green light to bury their owners next to their beloved pets.  Make sure you call them now though, there’s already a waiting list and plots being reserved.  There doesn’t seem to be a limit on how many pets (or pet plots) can be reserved either, the article mentions one man who wishes to be buried next to his 11 dogs.  No word yet on whether California will adapt their pet/human burial laws but many other states such as New York and Ohio have already amended theirs.

This gets us in the mood to watch some Stephen King:


Heard of (or been to) any other not so traditional funerals? Let us know in the comments below!

Friday the 13th in Los Angeles: ‘Christine’, Spooky Night Hike & Lights-Out Rock Climb

Don’t miss John Carpenters demonic auto possessed horror classic, ‘Christine’, screening at Pershing Square.

As we prepare for our busy fall season, we also prepare for an extra eerie Friday the 13th , which will bring us a mysterious full moon, an event that will not repeat itself for another 35 years! And if you don’t plan on turning into a werewolf at the first sight of the full moon, we’ve found some choice events that fit this ghostly happening.

For a taste of midnight cliff climbing, strap on your headlamp, glowsticks and zombie survival kit, then take to the walls in this creepy lights-out indoor rock climb. The folks at ROCKreation Gym LA in Santa Monica are a doing a lights out vertical zombie walk in tribute to Friday the 13th. And don’t forget to put on your creepiest look fit for the occasion for their spooktacular costume contest.

For those who prefer to spend Friday the 13th relaxing in the comfort of the great outdoors and take in a spooky evening movie instead, check out John Carpenters 1983 horror masterpiece, ‘Christine’, about a classic ’58 Plymouth Fury named Christine who takes on the personality of a jealous girlfriend and will do anything to protect her nerdish owner. Screening at Pershing Square, in downtown Los Angeles.

And finally, there exists among us, a brave breed of souls who wish to venture out into the night, relishing in the thought of risking their lives and succumbing to the strange happenings on Friday the 13th. And to these courageous individuals, we suggest the Full Moon Friday the 13th Night Hike and Potluck. Spend the evening scampering around the trails of Griffith Park in this 5 mile round trip night hike featuring a communal pot luck at the top of the mountain. Don’t forget to take your Jello-filled brain molds, conveniently available at your very own Dapper Cadaver!

full moon image

Freaky Beetles Prey On Frogs

The small prey does a little shimmy and attracts the attention of the predator. The big predator lunges at the prey and attempts to take a bite, but the prey latches on to its jaws. No matter how hard the predator shakes, it can’t shake the prey which jumps up onto its back and makes it clear who is the prey and who is the predator here. As the new predator sinks its jaws into its much larger prey, the big prey is paralyzed and will remain paralyzed as the little predator devours it alive down to the bones.

No, this isn’t the Alien prequel. These are the gutsy ground beetles of the genus Epomis that take on and kill much larger amphibians even as little beetle larvae.

Epomis Beetle Larvae Attacking Frog

Epomis Beetle Larvae Attacking Frog - via Wired Science & PLoS ONE

Quite a discovery by Tel Aviv University researchers Gil Wizen and Avital Gasith, who described the strategy of Epopmis beetle larvae as an “extremely rare anti-predator behavior.”

Epomis beetle larvae in action

Epomis adult beetle in action

(note: not for the weak of stomach)

To learn more, check out the full study or the story at Wired Science.

Barnum Brown & The First T. Rex

First T. Rex Skeleton at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History around 1950

First T. Rex Skeleton at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History around 1950 - from NPR

NPR ran a great story last week called Bone to Pick: First T. Rex Skeleton Complete at Last. Carl Mehling, curator at the American Museum of Natural History in New York, found a stray bone labeled 973, identified as belonging to the first T. Rex and gave it to the Carnegie Museum to finally complete the first T. Rex skeleton.But the best parts of the story for me were about the man who discovered the first T. Rex skeleton and sold it to the Carnegie Museum in the first place: Barnum Brown, “the Indiana Jones of dinosaur hunters”.

Barnum Brown

Barnum Brown in 1914 doing field work in Montana - from Wikipedia

Named after P.T. Barnum, Brown was a pioneering dinosaur hunter who traveled extensively, dressed nattily, lived through personal tragedy and had many a romance, including his second wife Lillian who wrote a memoir called I Married A Dinosaur. He also served as a dinosaur expert on such films as Fantasia. Remember the amazing dinosaurs in The Rite of Spring? There is a good Barnum Brown biography at Strange Science if you want to learn more. I’m going to have to pick up the book on him that came out last year, Barnum Brown: The Man Who Discovered Tyrannosaurus rex. From the review at the Smithsonian blog, it sounds like a great read.

Gilded Maggots

If you’ve ever been face down in a creek and seen the twigs and grains of sand sprout legs and scuttle away from you, then you  you’re familiar with caddis fly larvae.  These little underwater worms glue dirty bits of the world around them together to form a shell. The ground moves, the perfect hiding place, they are clever but they are not pretty.

However, the mind of this worm is not only clever, it’s downright artistic. The shells that they make form little patterns and stripes. In a brain smaller then the dot of this i, the caddis fly possesses artistic intent.

And when put in more opulent environs they create jewelry

Count Bacula

loxodonta penis anatomy
The Bacula Research Project (BRP) needs your help! The group is studying the variety of bacula found in the mammal family and is trying to locate a few unusual specimens of baculum.

“WHAT’S A BACULUM?” you’re probably asking. It’s the penis bone. Now don’t get excited, you don’t have one. Humans are amongst the few animals that don’t have bacula. Along with Koala Bears and duck billed platypuses, when we get a hard on, its hard from blood pressure alone. Other beasties get an erection with no viagra necessary, they’re hard as a bone in seconds because they have a bone there already.

various bacula

various bacula

I was recently contacted by a researcher for the Bacula Research Project in need of a few specimens.

The first is the American Hog-nosed Skunk (Conepatus leuconotus). Found in the American Southwest this skunk is distinguished from other skunks by a single, solid white stripe down it’s back and a bald, pink nose. If you don’t mind getting intimate with skunk dick, contact me.

you want my WHAT?

you want my WHAT?

The other two creatures are both moles.
Coast Mole (Scapanus orarius) Townsend’s Mole (Scapanus townsendii). Both are found in the Pacific Northwest. For these we’ll probably need the whole specimen, as the mole penis is an organ so minute they respond to every male enhancement add they see, or to quote the BRP “The bacula from these two species of moles are less than 0.5mm in diameter and would require a microscope to confirm. Unless you know what your looking for and where its located, the baculum located in the distal portion of the penile organ would be removed along with the dermal skinning of the carcass. The baculum is a heterotopical bone and therefore not part of the skeletal system.”

Contact me if you’re in the north woods and interested in trapping moles.

Octopus On Yo Head of the Week

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This photo really brings out the kind of wry wisdom of it’s subject, who wears his head octopus like a wreath of laurel.

Photo by Elisha Cook Jr in the Dapper Cadaver Octopus on Yo Head group.

Octopus On Yo Head of the Week

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thales_ulufeke, originally uploaded by montyy0.

This is one of the most primal of all images, that of man rising from the gray sea with an octopus on his head. No wonder it has been created and recreated over and over again in every age of our octopus topped collective unconscious.

From Octopus On Yo Head photo group, created by Dapper Cadaver

Octopus on Yo Head of the Week

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This is an excellent example of early 1900’s Ocotpus on Yo Head Daguerreotypes. Typical of the time, both the subject and the octopus on his head are posed unsmiling, to suggest nobility.

From Octopus on Yo Head a photo group started by Dapper Cadaver

Head Octopus of the Week 07/17/08

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Octo-love, originally uploaded by Tasseomancy.

A moody atmospheric piece, composed in octopus-inky darkness. One is compelled to wonder what she’s contemplating, and why she has an octopus on her head.

from the Octopus on Yo Head group created by BJ Winslow

Head Octopus of the Week

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Beyond the Beyond, originally uploaded by Chephoto.


Strange Answers: Do You Sell Real Human Skulls?

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unearthed skeleton 2, originally uploaded by Boju.

As part of Dapper Cadaver’s on going quest to answer all the strange questions we receive, today I tackle a biggie. The selling of real human remains.
You might think it odd, but I get asked for human remains a couple times a day, and every couple of months someone asks if I’m interested in buying some human remains that they have, for some reason.

Here’s the short answer: No. No I don’t sell, No I don’t buy and No I can’t help anyone find anyone who does. The laws on who can legally buy and sell human remains are fairly complex, so the rule of thumb to go by is this – buying, selling, or owning human remains is illegal

That’s pretty easy. “Why is it illegal?” I’m often asked. Well, because the sources of human remains are, at some point, living humans. The vast majority of bones “on the market” don’t come from organ donors, they come from China and Indian, where even licensed sources are under frequent allegations of grave robbing and dealing in prisoner remains. The rest of the bones that are being sold are archaeological theft, contemporary grave robbing, war trophies, criminal evidence, and a mixed bag of specimens passed from hand to hand for so long the origins, legitimate or not, are long since lost. The burden of proof is on the owner – if you can prove you bought your bones from a licensed medical supply house great, if not, you’re looking at a range of allegations up to and including accessory to murder. Even the famous Gunther Von Hagens of Body Worlds fame has gotten in trouble with the law for having illegal cadavers

Other anatomy stores have gotten in trouble with the law and heavily finedfor dealing in endangered animal remains and/or human bones. At Dapper Cadaver we only sell animal skulls of common livestock like pig, sheep, and steer, and US game animals, like deer. All other animal bones, both pet and exotic, are replica. Even our exotic taxidermy is synthetic. All our human remains are replica. We divide skulls into 3 categories – Halloween or budget is the lowest quality, medical quality is anatomically correct standard quality. Museum quality is the closest you can get to legally owning a human skull. These are props that have been molded off of real human skull specimens on loan from museums. The anatomical detail and realism is amazing.

I have been a bone collector and a nature lover all my life. I urge anyone who’s interested in buying bones to buy replicas. It’s the only ethical choice. Otherwise you are supporting or encouraging a black market in endangered species, fossil and archaeological treasures, and human life.

The Last Laugh – Funny Epitaphs, Names, and Headstones

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the winner, originally uploaded by Boju.

Every Halloween you seen funny headstones spring up like mushrooms from every front lawn. Most are good for a chuckle but not very realistic, they tend to be small, thin, and cartoonish.

Last year I carved a realistic headstone based on an actual old victorian design with the inscription I’m with stupid and arrows pointing to the headstones next to it. After that I started looking into real funny headstones. I added some great photos and epitaphs to my Halloween headstone section and found a great resource in the flickr group Graves to Make You Laugh

Yesterday I found the most amazing epitaph ever. It reads -
Two things I love most
Good horses and Beautiful
Women. And when I die I hope
They tan this old hide of mine,
and make it into a ladies riding
Saddle. So I can Rest in Peace
Between the two things I love

I can just imagine being this guys son, having to visualize that every time I visit pops grave.

More real funny tombstones

“In the hundred and seventh year of her life…she had fresh teeth” 

“I’m a busy man, I don’t have time for this”

“Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake” 

“Lovingly known as Dr. Dick” 

“This ain’t so bad, once you get used to it” 

“She always said her feet were killing her but no one believed her.” 

“I made a lot of deals in life, but I went in the hole on this one.” 

“I knew this would happen.” 

“I B Horne” 

“King Dick” 

“Noble Butt” 

“Oops he Died” 

“Rusty Nail – He lived life to the max.” 

“Fanny Hair” 

“Fanny Reider” 

“Life’s not just one thing after another, it’s the same damn thing over and over again.” 

Strange Answers: How do I clean a skeleton?

Skeletons are so white and beautiful, but usually they come with all this carcass stuck to them. What’s a person to do? That’s why Dapper Cadaver’s Strange Answers is here.

Well, you could bury the bones and let nature do it’s thing. This works quite well actually, but it takes time. And you run the risk of detritovores and scavengers making off with the remains.

A commonly held notion is that you can boil bones clean. Let me warn you, boiling rotting carcasses is a great way to make rotting carcass soup and a terrible way to clean a skeleton. You know how chicken soup on the stove fills a house with it’s deliscious smell? Imagine that’s a dead raccoon in there. That’ll cure the common cold.

Beetles are the best way to clean a corpse. The beetle in particular is called the Dermestid officially, but goes by many other names like the hide beetle, the carpet beetle, the larder beetle, and the flesh-eating beetle, because of what they eat – everything except glass, steel, and bone. Throw a buffalo sized head in to a container with a thousand or more dermestids, and they’ll leave nothing but the bones in a matter of weeks. Not overnight, but still the fastest game around. Dermestids are handy because they can crawl into eye sockets and nasal passages and get all the meat, and brains, from those hard to reach nooks and crannies.

Dermestids eat cartilage too, which is why you never see a real museum skeleton with the nose bones, ear bones, or it’s chest plate in tact. All of those parts are cartilege. Usually the sternum and center ribs are replaced with synthetics for display purpose. It’s also why you’ve never seen a shark skeleton, despite seeing shark jaws at every corner cabana.

If you want to start cleaning bones you’re going to need thousands of these little buggers. Many taxidermy shops sell guides to raising and using them, and many sell the bugs themselves. Just don’t let them get away. Eating everything is what dermestids do best. Just like the flesh eating beetles in The Mummy movie.

Strange Answers: "What are the bones of a fetal skeleton?"

skelefriends 1

This one was harder than I thought. A fetal skeleton should have all the same bones as an adult skeleton, right?

Well no, actually, and it depends. It depends on when you check. A human fetus has no bones at all until the 7th week. Two bones come in during the 7th week. The femur, which is not surprising as it’s the largest, hardest single bone in the adult body. The second bone is the clavicle, also known as the collar bone, an oddly shaped little bone that holds up the neck. It’s small, but think of how important it’s job is.

The rest of the bones develop from the 8th to 15th week (2nd to 4th month). So by the 5th month a fetal skeleton is complete. Well almost complete. As we all know the teeth come in after birth, as does the knee cap (patella) which grows in between the 3rd and 6th year. That’s why baby legs have such a smooth taper from thigh to ankle – no knobby knee in the middle.

The last bone that the fetus grows is the hyoid bone, also known as the lingual bone or voice box. It’s the only bone in the human body not rooted against another bone, and it’s the one that makes articulate speech possible. In animals the hyoid bone is simply another part of the neck, not the floating wonder it is in humans. In fetal development the hyoid bone doesn’t grow until the 36th week, the 9th month. Then a baby is ready to be born.

A complete chart of fetal bones and their developments is available here

Strange Answers: What's Wrong With Henry

Henry 29

Of all the causes of death I’ve recreated over the years none raises more questions than the case of poor Harry (Henry) Eastlack.

I created the Henry skeleton for a set based on the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia, where the real Harry Eastlack resides. Harry was born normal except for a big toe only slightly too large and irregular.

At age ten the muscle and flesh around his bones began turning to bone, a process called “Ossification” and sometimes poetically referred to as flesh turning to stone. Ossification is a normal process for growing and healing bones, but in Harry’s case it was running amok. The disease Harry had was named Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva. The first symptom was bony nodules on his neck and shoulders, which when removed, triggered the growth of large nodules. Shortly after the onset of Ossification, Harry was unable to move any part of his body except his lips.

Harry died 43 years later of pneumonia and willed his unique body to the Mutter Museum. Here’s the real Harry’s skeleton

Strange Questions: Do you have a Possum Penis?

Raccoon baculum

Everyday the phone rings and I hear: “This is going to sound like a strange question, but…”

I answer the question, which may range from advice on making bloody explosions to medieval torture equipment to making the best fake spider webs to what happens to what part of the body after death or why you shouldn’t sell black market human remains, you know, morbid industry tech support.

I recently decided I should start publishing these question and answer sessions. And feel free to email me with more questions, my email is .

So todays question: “Do you have a possum’s penis replica?”

Why would anyone want one, you might ask, well there’s an old American tradition that raccoon and opossum penis bones – called Baculum, should be worn around the neck for good luck. The tradition can still be found in some parts of the south, amongst carnies, and certain trucker traditions. It was referenced in the book “The Heart is Deceitful above all things”

A replica Baculum was wanted because this was for a production and the actors were a bit squeamish over handling something like that. Well, it turns out the anchovy shaped Opossum baculum replica eluded me, but I found a good scientific supply house the carries an amazing array of baculum, from ferrets to foxes to bears and seals, and yes, even the lucky raccoon. Dapper Cadaver can now special order bacula of nearly any North Amercan mammal for $10-$40 each.

The longest baculum in North America belongs to te Walrus, measuring an average of 2 ft, with the record being at nearly 5 ft. Think about that for a second, and shudder. Walrus baculum, called Oosiks by the inuit, are of great ceremonial importance.

All the great apes except humans have a baculum. The zoologist Richard Dawkins speculated in 2006, that the loss of the bone in humans, is probably a result of sexual selection by females looking for signs of good health in prospective mates. The reliance of the human penis solely on hydraulic means to achieve a rigid state makes it particularly vulnerable to blood pressure variation. Poor erectile function betrays not only physical states such as diabetes and neurological disorders but mental states such as stress and depression.

One Foot in the Grave

From the Associated Press

Woman slips and falls partway into grave

MONMOUTH, Ore. She’s O-K now, but for a while an Oregon woman had one foot in the grave. Literally.
Over the weekend, 81-year-old Clara Connelly was visiting the cemetery where her husband is buried, when she slipped on soggy ground.

One of her legs sank knee-deep into a fresh grave site. She was unable to free herself for almost an hour.

Connelly’s head was near a stone marking the resting place of her sister and brother-in-law. She said she laid her head on the stone and prayed, and eventually managed to pull her leg free.

She told the Salem Statesman Journal that people are always joking about having one foot in the grave — but in her words, “I actually experienced it.”

Nudes at Von Hagens Body Worlds, and human organ donation

It seems you can’t fill a room with corpses and naked women these days without causing a controversy. I’m speaking of course of Gunther Von Hagens, shown here holding a slice of child next to a stripper wearing nothing but a thong, stage blood and a mardi gras mask in front of a dead horseman on a dead horse clutching his own brain in one and and his steeds brain in the other.

His exhibit of plastinized people is currently on tour- sans strippers I’m affraid, that’s only in Europe. The rest of the bodies are cadavers donated to science that Von Hagens treats with a process he invented for turning flesh into plastic. Full posable, a plastic body never rots and needs no special chamber to protect it. In body worlds you share a room with the standing dead, posed in a manner that’s either artistic or grotesque, depending on you. Either way, the sculptural and surreal poses help distract from the fact that you’re sharing a room with cadavers. Imagine how unsettling it would be if they were all just laid out on slabs.

On the last night Body Worlds was in LA it was open 48 hours straight, so you could walk the halls at midnight. Flashlight tours would have been an obvious attraction, but sadly were not given. I’m guessing because the exhibit is already walking a fine line between science and unadulterated ghoulishness, and that would have put it over the edge. Still, Von Hagens did kick off the European tour with ten female strippers, two male body builders, and a transvestite, AND he held a public autopsy in Brittain despite laws forbidding such a thing, so the man clearly has a sense of ghoulish style and showmanship could make Rob Zombie curl up in the corner and cry, and a tenuous grasp on the kind of legitimacy that Hannibal Lector can only drool and or make hissy sounds at. But that’s about it for controversy in the states. All I ever read here was, “is this respectful of the dead?” and “does it realy have scientific merit and educational value, or is it just a horror show?” and so on.

On the BBC they at least brought up the issue of what effect will this exhibit have on our precious organ donor program. Will people be so offended that they’ll not put that pink dot on they’re drivers liscense? I’d consider myself lucky to wind up in Von Hegan’s clutches. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a full support of the program, but the less everyone knows about the donor program the better. Everyone puts that dot on their liscense thinking their marrow will go to a kid dying of cancer, or they’re heart will save a life, and yes, that’s the first round draft pick of you guts goes. I know, I’ve talked with an organ broker whose job is to locate fresh organs, with the proper blood type and get them, despite legal hurtles, transportations laws, and not leastly objectionable family, to where they’re needed most, before the recipient dies or the organ goes bad. That’s a high stress job. But that’s just round one. Truth be told, more of your skin will wind up as penis extensions and boob jobs than covering burn victims. The book “Stiff” by Mary Roach starts in a lab filled with severed heads in baking pans awaiting facelifts. It’s not a work of fiction, it’s “The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers,” and it’s halfway between “The American Way of Death” and “101 uses for a dead body” with enough quirky gallows humor to help you through the rough stuff. Because even the scientifically legitimate, life-saving stuff is just as bad. Like the cadaver ranches where bodies are subjected to every possibility of what a body can go through so forensics invesitgators will have something to compare their field research against. Makes the skin crawl.

So if you ask me, the volunteers who get to spend eternity contemplating their next chess move or playing basketball in Von Hegans exhibit got the good end of the corpse pole. Providing they are in fact volunteers. While the debate down here was whether it’s right to display any corpse in a museum (or should that be non-ethnic corpse? I mean King Tut’s on display right now as well as countless Indian bones– but that’s another issue) the debate elsewhere in the world was should a person whose artistic/scientiffic medium is dead people know where his cadavers are coming from so he knows they are volunteers and not, say, executed political prisoners? Von Hagens can’t say for certain.

The man is a showman, an artist, a scientist, and a ghoul. I think he know’s exactly what he’s doing. And we’re encouraging him. I mean I’m encouraging him. The exhibit is absolutely fascinating and impacts you in weird unexpected ways. Go face down the skeleton at the heart of the lotus. You’ll be better off for it, and ask yourself, is it right?

And now, because it hasn’t been reprinted in english, the Von Hagens exhibit that featured topless “live anatomy models” as Von Hagens called them (although to truely be live anatomy models he should have featured old people, young people, fat people and thin people, and not just whatever strippers wanted to work the museum circuit) with my crudely translated from german english text.

1. With a Casting the Plastinator Gunther of Hagens selected 20 “anatomy Models”. They should mediate to the visitors from 1 to 10 June 2004 in its disputed exhibition “body worlds” nearly naked and with a venezianischen mask anonymizated from Hagens idea of “alive anatomy”. However the office for order Frankfurt forbade this plan. (Foto:ddp)

3. With the exhibition in Frankfurt Hagens prepared heart, lung, liver and kidney publicly. It wants to correct one of “horror and Fantasie” coined/shaped conception of anatomy, was called it from its Institut to the reason. (photo: strip packing)

4. So the consciousness of the visitors for a healthier life can be strengthened. (photo: strip packing)

5. Impressionen of the Casting… (photo: strip packing)

14. Professor Gunther von Hagens invented 1977 the Plastination, a method for the permanent and realistic preservation of anatomical preparations. Its exhibition “body worlds” gave world-wide exactly the same much fame to it such as criticism. (photo: strip packing)

15. Critics do not see scientific value in his work. In addition they accuse to it, the dead ones not would respect. From Hagens however its exhibition sees itself anatomy teachings for laymen as “corpse-noble” and calls. (photo: strip packing)


Best Christmas Toys of 2005

When I think back onto all the times I was injured as a child, all the pogoballs that sent me head over heels over fences, all the skateboards that sent me out of control into traffic, all the games we invented like “Smeer” and “Combat Basketball” and “Knockdown Tag”, and just in general all the times something gushed blood, sprayed acid, caught fire, electrocuted me, or exploded, my heart fills with joy. Those were not only good times, those were the best times. And look at me, I grew up to be succesfully employed in the blood and tombstone business. Whats more, I pity any child who makes it to adolescence without running away from a game crying, bruised or bleeding. My mom always told me “Alls fun until someone looses an eye” but then Uncle Jack would take out his glass eye and drop it into her tea, she’d scream, we’d laugh, and the fun didn’t stop just because someone got impaled by a metal spike in the eye when he was a boy.
With that in mind, and with help from “World Against Toys Causing Harm” (WATCH) I bring you the Best Christmas Toys of 2005.



I enjoyed toys like these about equally when I was a kid, so I’m not sure which to rank higher. Neighter seem very deadly, but I’m going to have to give favor to the sling shot, because according to WATCH “at least 13 states proscribe the use, possession and/or sale of such dangerous weaponry.” That puts it on equal ground with a switchblade, yet I somehow can’t picture Bart Simpson or Dennis the Mennace with a switchblade and still being loveable.


“shoot “arrows” over thirty feet with “3 power settings”! Despite the “soft tips” on the ammunition, the arrows are catapulted by the crossbow at high velocity, and users are cautioned not to “aim at eyes or face” ” However, children are not given any instruction what so ever whether they should light the foam tips on fire a’la Rambo and lay siege to their school.


Now here’s a toy that wants you to get hurt. The game s simple, two players armed with remote control tanks play a game of laser tag. The catch is, whenever a tank gets hit, it’s RC controller sends out a painful electrical charge into the hands of the player who got served.


Basically by “Energy Beam Blaster” they mean assault riffle loaded with silly string. I am so down with getting one of these just based on that. But wait, it gets better, “Do not leave in direct sunlight or store in hot vehicle”, since doing so can “cause can to burst violently.” Awesome! As a young pyrochemist I know I would have done everything in my power to try and get these things to explode including cooking them in the microwave and strapping m-80s to them, and playing a game of fizzball (which is basically baseball, except you use a can of soda instead of a ball, these days I use beer, just as foamy explody and shrapnelly, but not so sticky)


If fun and concushions had a form, it would be these boots. Just look at them. I love this quote from WATCH “The manufacturer’s safety instructions include the unrealistic directive to “always remain in control of your motions”” That’s frickin sweet.

Christmas Music for Freaks, Geeks, and Weirdos

This weekend was my first big Christmas Shopping weekend, and after 5 hours of listening to the sugar plum sweet sounds of the season, I needed an insulin shot. Not only are the classics unbearably sentimental and cheesy, but I can’t even relate to them – I’m a California boy, there’s no such thing as a “White Christmas” out here. Still, I like having appropriately seasonal music for my christmas parties, tree trimmings, and present rapping sessions, so below I’ve published my list of off-beat songs for the Christmas Season.

The Residents – Santa Dog and Dumbo the Clown
Classic. Perhaps the strangest Christmas songs of all time.
They Might Be Giants – The Bells are Ringing
Explores the connections between xmas music and mind control
Oingo Boingo – The Cat is Dead
A sweet childrens chorus delighting in their tale of offing every member of the family
Akira Soundtrack – Dolls Polyphony
Music from a scene in the film when dolls and teddy bears magically come to life only to latter attack. Sweet, childish, and creepy all at the same time.
Danny Elfman – Nightmare Before Xmas and Edward Scissorhands soundtracks
Aphex Twin – Girl/Boy Song
There something classically Christmas to this song, and then there are breakbeats. Perfect for breakdancers out on the promenade at Christmas.
Perrey Kingsley – Baroque Hoedown
Classic moog experimental cheesiness makes the perfect soundtrack for toystores
lHans Reichel – Bubu and his Friends, and Street Song
A jolly little jingle played on a wooden daxophone. What’s a daxophone you say? I’m glad you asked
King Missile – The Bunny Who Wanted to be a Rat
A Christmas wish to eat garbage and spread disease
Cibo Mato – The Candy Man
We all know this one from the original Willy Wonka movie, but Cibo Mato make it sound so sexy.
Wesley Willis – Chicken Cow
About a mythological beast that only comes out in the dead of winter and can flap like a bird and stab you in the ass
Tom Waits or Ghost of the Robot – Chocolate Jesus
Let’s take the two things everyone likes about Christmas and hold our Christmas mass in a candy store.
Traditional -Carol of the Bells
No other traditional carol expresses the anxiety I feel at Christmas so well.
The A-team – Christmas Claws
Screaming hardcore that’s hard to figure out, but they do yell Christmas a couple times, so it counts. “ho ho ho fucking ho”
Run DMC- Christmas in Hollis
Too christmasy to be cool, too old school to be cheesy.
Baboon Torture Division – Cobras
A track composed entirely with a rewired singing santa doll. Sounds like the devil.
Dresden Dolls- Coin Operated Boy
Finally a sex doll for girls.
Cowboy Bebop soundtrack– Green Bird
Sounds like a traditional religious choir, but was specifically compossed for a scene of brutal mob violence. Why do these two great tastes taste so great together?
Pogues- Fairytale of New York
Spend Christmas Eve in the Drunktank this year
Rolling Stones or Only a Mother – Mother’s Little helper
Mom’s on drugs, what’s more christmasy than that?
Rasputina – Gingerbread Coffin
Because gingerbread houses are for kids who don’t use their dollys for black mass
Tom Leher – Hanukah in Santa Monica
While there aren’t that many Hanukah songs, their batting average is way higher.
Richard Cheese – Holiday in Cambodia
The Dead Kennedy’s classic gets the full tilt holiday treatment
Only a Mother – How they Show Their Love
About families and force feedings
Ralph Carney – Solstice Time
Tom Waits’s horn player gives us a appropriately cheesy secular Christmas song dedicated to feasting and solar orbits.
Dan Bern – Jerusalem
Tired of waiting for the second coming? Dan Bern is your man.
Traditional – Korobeiniki
Better known in this country as that Tetris song. To me Russia means Christmas, because it’s snowy, and there are pine trees and the kremlin looks Christmassy, and even the big fur coats look christmassy. I bet that’s why Russians are so jolly
Mastodon – Linus and Lucy
A Charlie Brown Christmas goes Metal
Logan Whitehurst – Snowman and Me
The Ramones – Punk Rock Christmas and We’re a Happy Family
Babyland – Mini Mall
Industrial anti-mall rage
Momus – Old Friend, New Flame
The ultimate gift a friend can give you is his girlfriend
Nick Cave – Opium Tea
Between the call to prayer and the thinking of his children, I do believe this is a lonely junky’s Christmas.
Depeche Mode or Johnny Cash – Personal Jesus
Who knew you could play the same song for both cynicism and sincerity and have it work and rock both ways?
LL Cool J – Rock the Bells
So much better than jingle bell rock
Sleepytime Gorilla Museum – Sleepytime
Play this song to get your kids ready for beddy by and they’ll never forget it.
Leonard Cohen –Story of Isaac
What does god want for Christmas? Your son.
Tiger Lillies – Struwwelpeter
Good kids get pretty picture books for Christmas, bad kids get horribly disfigured.
Soul Coughing – Drunk on the Train to Chicago
Going home for the holidays is a great chance to get drunk on the way.
Primus – Toys go Winding Down
Totally Rad – Turtle Eggs and Mumblety Pegs

What Christmas Music Do You Reccomend?

Amityville Toaster

You know you want it. I don’t know how I could stand living before I got a Haunted Toaster

Surgery Bunny

Have you ever been browsing for plastic surgery tools and come across a picture of a woman about to go under the knife for liposuction and the lines drawn on her belly look almost exactly like Hello Kitty in a Bunny Suit?

Now you have.
But I’ve got to know, is the resemblance coincidental, or was the surgeon getting creative? Really now, what’s up, doc?


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