Conan and The Giant Sloth

I got the call Thursday, the 21st of January from NBC. “We need a full size Dinosaur Skeleton and we need it tomorrow.”

Conan had been doing sketches all week supposedly designed to cost the studio big cash as a comic form of revenge for his abruptly ended contract. He had previously claimed to “buy” an exotic sports car and a race horse. I’m glad to know that for his ultimate revenge he wanted a dinosaur. I know ever since I was 5 I wanted a revenge dinosaur. There’s a saying in my house, “revenge is a dish best served dinosaur”

The thing is, Dinosaurs are huge. We all know that, right, but we lose perspective on how big they are when we see them in a museum. I run a 5,000 square foot warehouse and an adult T-Rex is longer then my building and taller then my ceiling. And while the average millionaire has sports cars and horses to spare, unless you’re Nicholas Cage, you just don’t HAVE Dinosaurs laying around. I had a few smaller dinosaurs ready to go, including an 11 foot long Dimetrodon, but everyone knows Dimetrodon can’t hold the hose to spray the picasso with caviar. So that was out.

The wrong way to display fossils.

The right way to disply fossils

I was able to set aside a giant ground sloth that was about to be installed in a museum, but he had the weekend free. It was a rental, not a purchase, from a prop shop, not the Smithsonian, and cost nowhere near the $65 million dollars they said on the air. The bones are not real, but they are a museum quality reconstruction. The skeleton we used now stands in some solemn museum hall somewhere, curators and patrons blissfully unaware of Mr. Sloth’s wild weekend.

He partied with all the audience and crew, and I’m proud to say may go down in history as the most monumentally absurd set piece ever used in a comedy sketch. We here at Dapper Cadaver are proud we got to contribute to such an epic episode.

We still have access to the molds and can do the same prop for anyone else who needs one.
Buy it now! It’s not $65 Million!

No Bloody Country for Old Men

no country

About a year ago I sold blood and police caution tape to the prop master for what was then called “the latest Coen brothers film”
It’s great to see they really put the blood to good use!
This is an awesome movie. Part Western, part horror, part indie.
The villain is such a bad ass.

RIP Bling Headstone

RIP bling headstone 099

I created this for a lexicographer doing a documentary on words called “The Joy of Lex”
This prop was used for a sequence on the word “Bling,” it’s origins, it’s rise, it’s overuse, and it’s rapidly approaching demise.
That was 2 years ago and people are still using the word.
Come on people! I need to finish this thing. Lets make 2008 the fatal year for Bling.

I always love carving funny tombstones for halloween

Mummy in the Maze

bones torture 2

I’m so excited, my favorite holiday is about to mash up with my my favorite show and it’s chock full of my favorite things!

The Bones Halloween special airs next Tuesday the 30th at 8pm on Fox.

Keep an eagle eye out for all the Haunted house decor we supplied them – gibbets and gallows and bodies and skull chisels, blood and electric chairs and so much more good stuff.

And if anyone pulls stills from the episode, awesome. I’ll credit you on our website.

Back in Order

Severed Head Found at Salton Sea

The new season of Law & Order is underway and already they’ve got me doing props for the flagship series and SVU. The guy above was originally created for Law & Order, he’s one of my favorite heads ever. The photo was taken by Brian Henderson in the Salton Sea as part of a crime scene photo series. The dog below is for an upcoming episode of Law & Order (the original) called “Submission”

Anybody who has screen caps from either the 3 year old episode with the mummy or the upcoming one with the dog, or any of my Law and Order props let me know or post them in the comments.
Other props I’ve done for L&O can be seen below in the following links

Dexter's Chop Shop

dismembered woman

We at Dapper Cadaver created six mutilated corpses for this season of Dexter. A lot of people have now come in and said they’ve seen the episode, but my problem is I don’t have showtime. Does anyone have a copy of the episode with the chopped up bodies or images from it? Above is one of the corpses on our shop floor.

Margaret Cho reviews my penis

Prosthetic Cho

My penis has really gotten around. Traci Lords, Kenneth Anger, and Margaret Cho have all had their hands on it. It was for Margaret that I originally created it, and here’s her review, from Alarm Press

“I went to a special effects specialist, who is a friend of my husband and made a very light yet very realistic flaccid latex penis. It was very hard to find a dildo that was like a flaccid penis!

I needed one that would fit into panties and still look like something when I stripped them off, so it had to be collapsible, and it is — fully collapsible and will stick onto my crotch with double stick tape!

The choreography is simple, just a classic fan dance really, but with a big surprise ending. The audience really doesn’t know what to do. At first I try to seduce them, being very feminine and coy with myself, a very shy, teasing kind of dance. But then at the end, when I reveal I have this very real looking and startlingly plain penis, people really freak out.

I almost cried the first few times that I performed it because the audience reacted so strongly — screaming! People were literally screaming. I love that. So that is my most exciting number right now.”

Screaming for my penis, that’s what I like to see in print.
When asked by about size, Margaret had this to say
“Q: Why didn’t you borrow Mark Wahlberg’s from “Boogie Nights”?

A: That’s too big. Mine is big, but it’s not big like that.”

Thank you Margaret.