The Macabre and the Unusual

Monster Mondays

Monster Monday's Special Report: Montauk Monster

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montauk monster 1, originally uploaded by Boju.

Special Weekend report from Dapper Cadaver’s Monster Mondays
Early last week a hairless beast, roughly 3 feet long washed up on Montauk beach near Long Island. It was named the Montauk Monster. Multiple witnesses at various times during the day reported it, and several people photographed it. However, before the body could be analyzed, one of the locals scooped it up declaring they were going to mount it on their wall. This leaving no body, an unsolved mystery, and an internet sensation.

Here’s what we know. The beast is about 3 feet long, nearly hairless, with what appears to be a beak lined with teeth in the lower jaw. It has a tail, no obvious injuries, and apparently finger like claws. Two photographs show the creature at different times of day, and in different positions. Locals reported the waves were rolling it. Here’s the second photo, although they may be of different beasts.

If this is the same beast, it’s important to note it has a nasal opening and ears, like a mammal. The change in color is baffling though.

Several theories have surfaced as to what the Montauk Monster is. I’ll examine them from an anatomical perspective one by one.

1. It’s a sea turtle that’s lost it’s shell
Evidence for: It’s about the size of a sea turtle, it has a beak.
Evidence against: It has hair, ears, and teeth. It’s elbows point back, while a reptiles elbows point up. Also, a turtles shell contains it’s spine and ribs. It can’t simply fall out, and if it was ripped out, its back would be a bloody shapeless mess.

My Opinion: It’s definitely not a sea turtle

2. It’s a raccoon
Evidence for: It’s about the size of a raccoon. The beak is probably exposed skull (not unusual) The lower jaw dentation match the dentation of a raccoon. Both the monster and raccoons have fingers.
Evidence against: Raccoon paws are actually more like human or monkey hands, these hands appear straight , square, and thumbless, and if you look closely, he’s flipping you off. Nearly all carnivores have similar lower jaws. No upper teeth. Most importantly his neck is thicker than his head, indicating he couldn’t look all the way to the side (90′). Raccoons have slim, flexible necks. For comparison, here’s a raccoon skull, and a raccoon taxidermy form showing what they look like beneath their fur.

My opinion: It’s not a raccoon

3. It’s a pit bull
Evidence for: size and shape, lower jaw. Thick neck.
Evidence against: No upper teeth, and most importantly, the hands of the Montauk Monster appear finger/claw-like, not paw/pad-like.
My opinion: It’s not a pit bull.

4. It’s a fake
Evidence for: cynicism, monsters are hot right now.
Evidence against: So many unconnected witnesses, it would have to be quite a conspiracy, with a great prop building budget, and for no obvious gain.
My opinon: It’s not a fake.

My theory- it’s a badger
Evidence for: Badgers have matching lower dentation, thick necks, and straight claw like fingers. They also do have tails, although they’re hard to see when the badger has fur. Also, most mammals have skin pigmentation that in some way correlates with their fur cover. The white haunches and paws of this creature match the white underbelly of a badger.
Evidence against: Badgers aren’t supposed to live in the North East.
Badger with fur, showing tail

Badger skull

Furless body form used for badger taxidermy, not the similarities to the monster

5. It’s an unknown creature.
Evidence for: There is no perfect match between the Montauk Monster and any known North Eastern carnivores.

6. NEW THEORY – It’s a nutria or other large water rodent.

Evidence for: it was found in the water. Similar paws.
Evidence against: Too large, wrong anatomy, completely mismatched skull

My Opinion: It’s not a nutria.


Monster Mondays: The Flathead Lake Monster

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monster4, originally uploaded by Boju.

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog’s Monster Monday’s project, today i bring you a sea creature from land locked Montana, The Flathead Lake Monster.

The fat and skinny of this beast is a 20-40 foot long creature variously described as a serpent, a fish, a whale, a dragon, and a pleisiosaur (aka Nessie).

It was first seen in 1889 and inhabits Flathead Lake in Montana, the largest lake west of the Mississippi. Since then it has been seen well over 80 reported times. The people of the area keep diligent records on it. It’s been three years to this very day since the last sighting, July 28th, 2005.

A moment on the pleisiosaur phenomenon – the fossil record has yielded no evidence of any fresh water pleisiosaurs ever. However, nearly all lake monster are described as pleisiosaurs. What makes the pleisiosaur so special, so iconic, that it has burned itself into our collective unconscious as “The Sea Monster” is, I believe, a matter of timing. The pleisiosaur is the first “dinosaur” (technically marine reptile) ever discovered. It’s unveiling marked the first time post enlightenment man was confronted with undeniable evidence that here there be dragons. We’re so used to the idea of dinoasurs and giants in the distant past that we cannot begin to understand the impact the first one had on our consciousness, especially in 1824, at a time when science and rationalism explicitly made it a mission of dispelling myth and superstition. Since then, all sea monsters look like pleisiosaurs some of the time.

Aside from the normal lake monster stuff- sightings by fishermen, campers, and motorists; no attacks, no photos, and no evidence- The Flathead Lake Monster has a remarkable talent for branding. It’s the only Lake Monster I’m aware of that’s both Registered and incorporated It also has it’s own brand of soda, which is very sweet, quite a bargain, and not very good monster bait.


Monster Mondays: Ebu Gogo

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ebugogo2, originally uploaded by Boju.

Part of The Dapper Cadaver Blog’s Monster Mondays
When Captain Cook first landed on the Isle of Flores and brought the island to attention of the Western world, the natives told him they were not alone.

They said the island was also inhabited by little people calle Ebu Gogo or Ebu Gobo.

Later anthroplogists gathered more stories of the Ebu Gogo. Ebu means grandmother, and while Gogo or Gobo has no direct translation, it roughly means little grandmother who eats everything. Unlike the little people of Ireland and elsewhere, the Ebu Gogo had no magical powers. The natives considered them at best a pest, and a worst a dangerous boogie man that would eat children. They were only a few feet tall, with large arms and other monkey like traits, but not quite monkeys, and not quite people. They spoke their own language and wore clothing.

The natives tell their children not to wander in the woods or the Ebu Gogo will eat them.

The natives also say how the last Ebu Gogo died.

The Ebu Gogo had become an increasing nuisance in the village, stealing crops and livestock and damaging property. The villages wanted to make peace with them, so they invited them to a festival. A great bonfire was lit, and though the Ebu Gogo seemed to fear the fire, they all sat around it, human and little person alike. Then the foods were served. The Ebu Gogo did not know how to use plates or silverware, and through their utensils to the ground, which was a great insult to their hosts. They then ate everything, their share and the villagers share alike. One Ebu Gogo grabbed a human baby, and began eating that. At once the Ebu Gogo were chased out of town, where they holed up in a cave. The humans did not want to go in the cave, for they might be trapped, so they came up with a plan.

The next day they came to the mouth of the cave and told the Ebu Gogo that they wanted to make peace again, and they brough new clothes as a peace offering. With long bamboo poles they pushed in the clothing, which the Ebu Gogo began putting on. The clothes however were soaked in the natives lighter fluid type oil, and when all the Ebu Gogo were dressed the human burned the bamboo poles and lit all the Ebu Gogo on fire, burning them alive.

Up until 2 years ago the stories were considered to be about fantastical fairies, or monkeys, even though the natives insisted they were people.

Then a skull turned up in a cave belonging to a human less then 3 feet tall with a brain no bigger than a chimpanzee. Even dwarfs of similar stature only have brains about 15% smaller than a full size person, but this person had a brain nearly half our size. At first the evidence seemed to support it being a freak, a microcephalic individual, but then more bones turned up. In all 9 tiny individuals have been unearthed, stretching a time span of thousands of years. The youngest specimen dates back merely 12,000 years at a time when humans were thought to be the lone hominid on earth, and we had already begun agriculture.

The bones have been named Flores Man, and nicknamed the Hobbit.
They seem to be descendant from Homo Erectus.


Dark Spots in Tinsel Town: Monster Hunting in LA

10. Bigfoot

You make think Bigfoots are only a Northwoods beast, but Los Angeles has 3 distinct breeds of city ape. The first is your standard bigfoot, 6-11 ft tall shaggy gigantopithecus. The first sighting came in 1973 when a full sized Macho Sasquatcho chased down a pick up truck out in San Fernando Valley. The beast got close enough to the vehicle that they could smell its breath, which they later told reporters was “stinky.” In 1974 a bigfoot was actually seen in the city, between 45th st and 47th st on Quartz Hill.

Best places to go bigfoot hunting: Big Rock Canyon in San Fernando Valley, Quartz Hill in the San Gabriel Mountains, Azusa at the San Gabriel Mountain Foothills, Campgrounds in Santa Clarita, Elizabeth Lake, Lancaster.

9. Skunk Ape
Bigfoots little brother is most commonly sighted in Florida, but he’s also been seen in Palos Verdes and Redondo Beach, moving in and out of the suburbs via the sewers and knocking over trash cans for food. Skunk ape stands about 4 to 5 feet tall and reeks.
Best Place to go Skunk Ape hunting: Palos Verdes near the Dominator shipwreck. Redondo beach fields and suburbs at night.

8. The Beast of Billiwhack

The third kind of LA bigfoot might not be an ape at all. Seen once in Santa Paula and once in nearby Ojai, the Billiwhack beast has an shaggy, grey-black ape-like body, but an extended muzzle and goat like horns. It may be related to the Krampus or Wampa. Known to raid farms for chicken, corn, and dairy products.

Best places to go Billiwhack hunting: The Billiwhack Dairy in Aliso Canyon, Santa Paula, farms and forests in the San Rafael mountains and Ojai.

7. Starcle Men

Believed to be visiting aliens or inter-dimensional beings, Starcle men are mysterious in nature and seem to only appear to people in an altered state of consciousness.

Best place to see Starcle Men – Sewers and tunnels beneath LA. Signs of their pressence is marked by locals with angry eyed, star man graffiti.

5.Gray Aliens – Out in Lancaster it seams everyone has seen a UFO at one point or another, and locals get into heated debates as to whether Gray Aliens have a sinister plan for us, or are the good guys trying to save us from the evil Reptoids. The mankind united cult of the 1930’s and the scien-ology cult of today both base a lot of their doctrine on the earthly struggles of good and bad extra terrestrials.

Best place to spot UFO’s – Mt Baldy, Giant Rock in Landers, Lancaster.

4. Sea Serpents

Sailors off the California coast from Monterey to Mexico occasionally reported seeing giant, hundred foot long sea serpents with human faces staring up at them from beneath the surface of the water or skimming along the surface. And it turned out to be real. Oar Fish like the one pictured above can reach hundreds of feet in length, exhibit all the behaviors of the California sea serpent, and even have a flat face and forehead, that at night or through the distortion of the water could easily be seen as human.

Best Place to go Sea Serpent Hunting: East Cape of Baja California, San Diego.


3. The Thunderbird

Since native American times people have reported seeing gigantic birds of prey flying over the Los Angeles valley with wings so powerful they sound like thunder and bring storms.. Some people even claim to have found their enormous feathers. In the La Brea Tar Pits bones of vultures that would dwarf even the larges condor have been found, leading some to speculate the Thunderbird may be a surviving Ice Age Vulture.

Best Place to see the ThunderBird: The La Brea Tar Pits Museum


2. Demons of Elizabeth Lake

Elizabeth Lake, near Lancaster, was believed by the natives to be a gateway to Hell. From that lake witnesses have seen Dragons, Giant Bats, Giant Pythons,and Reptoids emerge. Livestock near that water have been mysteriously devoured. In the 1880’s a farmer saw a six legged bulldog with bat wings feeding on a steer, he opened fire on it with his colt .45 but the bullets bounced off. In the 1990’s a horned kangaroo with bat wings was seen bounding away from the lake in broad daylight. Several goat carcasses were found mysteriously killed that week.

Best Place to go Demon Hunting: Elizabeth Lake, Lancaster

1. Reptoids

Reptoids are, according to legends, a race of reptilian men that live in tunnels and underground cities throughout Los Angeles and Lancaster. Stories about them date back to Indian times, some Indians called the “Snake Brothers,” others lived in terror of them. All manner of conspiracies are linked back through them, from drug epidemics to UFO’s to genetic engineering to the Illuminati to government mind control. They may be evolved Dinosaurs, Aliens, Demons, or interdimensional beings. They can be invisible. They feed on fear and will climb onto people back to control them, menace them and eat their fear. The mouths of their subterranean tunnels are believed to be in Lancaster. For more info check out http://www.reptoids.com.

Best Places to Go Reptoid Hunting: Elizabeth Lake, Lancaster, Fort Moore Hill, the public library on Fifth st, the Southwest museum on museum dr, at the foot of Mt Washington.


Dark Spots in Tinsel Town: Monster Hunting in LA

10. Bigfoot

You make think Bigfoots are only a Northwoods beast, but Los Angeles has 3 distinct breeds of city ape. The first is your standard bigfoot, 6-11 ft tall shaggy gigantopithecus. The first sighting came in 1973 when a full sized Macho Sasquatcho chased down a pick up truck out in San Fernando Valley. The beast got close enough to the vehicle that they could smell its breath, which they later told reporters was “stinky.” In 1974 a bigfoot was actually seen in the city, between 45th st and 47th st on Quartz Hill.

Best places to go bigfoot hunting: Big Rock Canyon in San Fernando Valley, Quartz Hill in the San Gabriel Mountains, Azusa at the San Gabriel Mountain Foothills, Campgrounds in Santa Clarita, Elizabeth Lake, Lancaster.

9. Skunk Ape
Bigfoots little brother is most commonly sighted in Florida, but he’s also been seen in Palos Verdes and Redondo Beach, moving in and out of the suburbs via the sewers and knocking over trash cans for food. Skunk ape stands about 4 to 5 feet tall and reeks.
Best Place to go Skunk Ape hunting: Palos Verdes near the Dominator shipwreck. Redondo beach fields and suburbs at night.

8. The Beast of Billiwhack

The third kind of LA bigfoot might not be an ape at all. Seen once in Santa Paula and once in nearby Ojai, the Billiwhack beast has an shaggy, grey-black ape-like body, but an extended muzzle and goat like horns. It may be related to the Krampus or Wampa. Known to raid farms for chicken, corn, and dairy products.

Best places to go Billiwhack hunting: The Billiwhack Dairy in Aliso Canyon, Santa Paula, farms and forests in the San Rafael mountains and Ojai.

7. Starcle Men

Believed to be visiting aliens or inter-dimensional beings, Starcle men are mysterious in nature and seem to only appear to people in an altered state of consciousness.

Best place to see Starcle Men – Sewers and tunnels beneath LA. Signs of their pressence is marked by locals with angry eyed, star man graffiti.

5.Gray Aliens – Out in Lancaster it seams everyone has seen a UFO at one point or another, and locals get into heated debates as to whether Gray Aliens have a sinister plan for us, or are the good guys trying to save us from the evil Reptoids. The mankind united cult of the 1930’s and the scien-ology cult of today both base a lot of their doctrine on the earthly struggles of good and bad extra terrestrials.

Best place to spot UFO’s – Mt Baldy, Giant Rock in Landers, Lancaster.

4. Sea Serpents

Sailors off the California coast from Monterey to Mexico occasionally reported seeing giant, hundred foot long sea serpents with human faces staring up at them from beneath the surface of the water or skimming along the surface. And it turned out to be real. Oar Fish like the one pictured above can reach hundreds of feet in length, exhibit all the behaviors of the California sea serpent, and even have a flat face and forehead, that at night or through the distortion of the water could easily be seen as human.

Best Place to go Sea Serpent Hunting: East Cape of Baja California, San Diego.


3. The Thunderbird

Since native American times people have reported seeing gigantic birds of prey flying over the Los Angeles valley with wings so powerful they sound like thunder and bring storms.. Some people even claim to have found their enormous feathers. In the La Brea Tar Pits bones of vultures that would dwarf even the larges condor have been found, leading some to speculate the Thunderbird may be a surviving Ice Age Vulture.

Best Place to see the ThunderBird: The La Brea Tar Pits Museum


2. Demons of Elizabeth Lake

Elizabeth Lake, near Lancaster, was believed by the natives to be a gateway to Hell. From that lake witnesses have seen Dragons, Giant Bats, Giant Pythons,and Reptoids emerge. Livestock near that water have been mysteriously devoured. In the 1880’s a farmer saw a six legged bulldog with bat wings feeding on a steer, he opened fire on it with his colt .45 but the bullets bounced off. In the 1990’s a horned kangaroo with bat wings was seen bounding away from the lake in broad daylight. Several goat carcasses were found mysteriously killed that week.

Best Place to go Demon Hunting: Elizabeth Lake, Lancaster

1. Reptoids

Reptoids are, according to legends, a race of reptilian men that live in tunnels and underground cities throughout Los Angeles and Lancaster. Stories about them date back to Indian times, some Indians called the “Snake Brothers,” others lived in terror of them. All manner of conspiracies are linked back through them, from drug epidemics to UFO’s to genetic engineering to the Illuminati to government mind control. They may be evolved Dinosaurs, Aliens, Demons, or interdimensional beings. They can be invisible. They feed on fear and will climb onto people back to control them, menace them and eat their fear. The mouths of their subterranean tunnels are believed to be in Lancaster. For more info check out http://www.reptoids.com.

Best Places to Go Reptoid Hunting: Elizabeth Lake, Lancaster, Fort Moore Hill, the public library on Fifth st, the Southwest museum on museum dr, at the foot of Mt Washington.


Monster Mondays – Hammerhead Salamander Diplocaulus

As part of the the  Dapper Cadaver Blogs Monster Mondays, today I bring you the Hammerhead Salamander, a creature from 300 million years ago, modern Japan, outer space, Marsascala, or in Bahrija, depending on what you believe.

Fact, the Diplocaulus was not a salamander at all, as he pre-dates them by several million years, he’s an early tetrapod, a fish-amphibian with 4 legs that were the first vertebrates to climb onto the muddy shores of the primordial seas. His distinctive hammer head is believed to be an adaptation for hydroplaning through the water, or to make him hard to swallow, but it’s really not known.  Diplocaulus were about 2 to 4 feet in length.

The photo above was taken in 2004. Making this little guy a real survivor, if he’s real. Most people believe the photo is a hoax, although that itself is an amazing thing. Every weekend cryptologist wants to find or fake bigfoot  or the Loch Ness monster, but the Diplocaulus? Sure its weird looking, but no ones ever heard of them. You’ve got to admire the geekiness as well as the artsmanship of the faker, if this is a fake.

The most common explanation is that it was made from a model kit or by a Japanese sculptor, although a search for the artist yelded nothing, I did find one commercially available Diplo model in Japan.

Clearly not the same. The origins of this photo remain a mystery, and Diplo’s remain probably extinct.

Diplo’s have also turned up in space, as monsters in Pitch Black

But more often they’re chubby giant amphibians that are only menacing to small fish and have the weirdest head of any four legged animal ever. Their skull is just a bone boomerang with cartoon eye holes

Enjoy the many weird flavors of Diplo here 


Monster Mondays: Mutant Unicorns

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unicorndeer_2, originally uploaded by Boju.

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog’s ongoing Monster Monday’s project, today I bring you the strangest perversion of a prevision of nature ever, The Mutant Unicorn. The Mutant Unicorn is proof that mankind as a species is little more than the 8 year old daughter of Dr. Frankenstein. We just want them to be real so bad, we’ll do anything to make it happen. The inbred little fellow above is a unicorn deer born in captivity in Italy. Park keepers are saying it’s just a genetic flaw, but I suspect the meddling hand of science.

The earliest mutant unicorn came in 1930, as a result of tinkering by the mad Dr. Dove of Maine. Hypothesizing that in a newborn horned animal the horn growing plate would not yet be fused to the skull, he cut into the head of a baby bull, removed both of it’s horns nodes and grafted them right between the eyes. The results are below

As a calf the bull discovered that it could charge any other bull and win, and for fear of having their brains impaled on a massive horn, all other bulls became submissive to it. Interestingly rather than becoming a, ahem, bully, the bulls dominance over the herd was so solid he rarely had to but heads or charge anyone. He did discover that his curved forhead horn was perfect for uprooting fences, and he loved to tear up peoples yards. Damn Unicorn Bull’s in the tomatoes again!

Our next Mutant Unicorn also came from the 30’s, behold the Unicorn Man of China.

Ripley wanted to place this man in his exhibit as the human unicorn, but he disappeared like an elusive unicorn not long after his photo was first taken. The mythical spiral horn was most likely a tumor.

During the cold war, atomic radiation could turn anything into lethal radioactive mutants, even unicorns!

When I was a kid in the eighties some “Naturalists” (read :Hippies) decided to create a Unicorn from a goat. They also “magically” removed the billy goats foul odor and grumpy disposition. IE, they did another Dr. Dove skull graft job, and removed his billy balls. The naturalists were named Morning Glory and Otter G’Zell (read: mega space hippies). They took they’re beautiful goaticorn on tour to county fairs and in the RIngling bros circus, which is where I saw it. While it was rather underwhelming to see a goat billed as a unicorn, one can’t deny that it only had one horn.


Otter G’Zell is currently headmaster at the Grey School of Wizardry, and wow, his story is so weird, just google it. Most recently his goaticorn appeared for a split second in a chewing gum commercial in which Snoop Doggy Dog goes to hell. I thought I was delirious until my wife confirmed my vision

The most recent mutant unicorn to pop up is this mutant horsicorn. Although this image is of unconfirmed validity. Some claim the horn is a painful growth, others claim it’s a work of art, and others claim it’s a unicorn. I believe someone may have finally had the brilliant notion of grafting a horn node onto a baby horses head. Now how can we graft on giant eagle wings to make a pegacorn?

As with Otter G’Zell’s goaticorn, the deericorn is attracting a devoted following of new age believers. Amazing what a little post-natal skin graft can do.


Monster Mondays – The Glashtin

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kelpie.jpg, originally uploaded by Boju.

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog’s ongoing Monster Monday project, today I bring you a Father’s Day Monster from The Isle of Man

The Glashtin is a Manx water-horse ( not to be confused with a sea-horse) with a fondness for lonely girls, and has been know to feed off their bodies and blood. He’s a shape shifter who can transform from a sort of Mer-Horse into a perfectly handsome looking human, with horse ears. He can also appear as a half-man half-horse, and a normal horse. In each form he’s incredibly muscular and looking for someone to ride him, a journey which always leads back to the still waters he calls home, where his rider discovers they can’t jump from his back, and they get pulled to their deaths.

Glashtins can be put to good use, as farm hands, if you can control them,. They’re basically a horse with the hands of a man, or a man with the strength of a horse. Just watch your daughter and keep a fire burning. They’re scared of fire and vulnerable to burns (aren’t we all?).

Glashtins will often seek out lonely young girls, like run aways, or farmers daughters living far from cities and other people. They can appear as handsome young men, or even as the girls own father, anything to get in the house. They’re easily tricked by men in drag, who they mistake for ladies. Many a Glashtin has been put down by a gun toting farmer in a skirt. Forget fire, Trannies are a Glashtins real weakness.

There’s a famous tale of a Glashtin in the form of a girl’s long lost father appearing in a rain storm. She unlocked the door and welcomed him in. As he sat by the fireplace to warm himself, he removed his hat and the girl noticed he had horses ears. She grabbed a burning coal from the fire and burned that Glashtin, and he fled.

Folklore always talks about a weakness to fire like it some magic thing. As though if I jabbed a burning coal into the face of a human that’d be cool. They say if you set a wall on fire a Glashtin won’t cross it. I’m pretty sure in that scenario the Glashtin is the smart one, cause now your trapped in side a burning, albeit Glashtin free, house.


Monster Monday: Dossenus

Happy Monster Monday everybody! It’s been a couple weeks since our last post. I just moved into a beautiful new house in Echo Park and spent last week doing blood pools on the set of Dexter, so I haven’t been at the desk for a spell.
This week the Dapper Cadaver blog brings you a creature from ancient Greece – Dossenus, the ever-chomping!
Dossenus is a monster who eats everything, like a Pac Man. He wears a theatrical Manducus mask, a classical greek drama mask which depicts a man chewing or grimacing. Or sometimes the Manducus is his sidekick and is a monster in it’s own right.
Beneath his mask Dossenus was part man, part animal, part manimal, and all monster. He could devour anything and the greeks and romans both feared he would devour the “Cosmic Theater,”- the universe. Kind of like a locust from hell.
The Dossenus is also the name of an order of jumping spiders that like to vibrate and bang their butts to make music and attract a mate. They also want to eat the cosmic theater.


Monster Mothers Day: Top 10 Mother-Monsters (and were they MILFs?)

As part of Dapper Cadaver’s ongoing Monster Monday series, today I bring you a very special tribute to all the mother monsters out there. It is a testament to our love of mothers and our sympathy for them that in the mythological tradition of 6 billion people spanning 10 thousand years I could barely find 10 beings that could rightly be called monster mothers. Those that do fit the bill though are terrifying and powerful indeed, like a rampaging mother grizzly horribly mutated and kind of hot.
10. Mother-Of-Fishes - As her name states, a giant fish that protects all the fish and creatures of the sea and inland waterways. Said to be a trout so large her back is an island with trees growing on it. MILF factor – 0

9. Gargamelle - Gargamelle is not just the evil alchemist who wants to eat smurfs or something in the smurfs, Gargamelle is also a giantess in French mythology and the mother of Gargantua. MILF factor not much judging from this picture

8. Mother Flog – Mother Flog is a stout little matron elf who hides in saucepans to catch greedy children in the act of ruining their appetites. She then flogs them mercilessly. MILF factor - despite a sexy name, Mother Flog just doesn’t follow through.

7. Coinchenn - A dog headed woman and the fatal protector of her child, the beautiful Delbehaem. A prophet told Coinchenn she would die once her daughter was engaged, so Dog-Head took to decapitating every young man who came within 50 feet of her daughter. The heads were displayed on brass spikes in Coinchenn’s garden. MILF factor - Delbehaem must have gotten her hot body from this half-milf, but Coinchenn was cursed with a head only a furry could love.

6. Bapets – Bapets are a monster already covered in the Monster Monday blog at Dapper Cadaver. These creatures were big breasted cannibals that loured toddlers away from their village and suckled them on poison milk. MILF Factor - What part of big breasted cannibal isn’t a turn on?

5. Medusa - Everyone should know about Medusa, the queen gorgon with hair of snakes whose gaze could turn a man to stone. But did you know she’s also a mother? Yep, she gave birth to Pegasus, the winged horse. Somehow. At the time she was shacking up with Poseidon, the sea god, so he’s credited as the father, but I’d seriously file a paternity suit if I was him. MILF factor - Medusa had a hot torso, and possibly a hot lower section (although sometimes that’s snakes too). But the whole line about “putting a bag on her head” probably started here, because not only was Medusa face ugly and covered in snakes, she could literally kill a man just by looking at him.

4. Queen Alien - The mother of all the badness in the universe is this giant, egg laying, face hugging, 4 armed, 2 mouthed freak. Still she was a loving mother and a lady through and through. As this photo proves she knew how to find the right high heels to go with her outfit. MILF factor – in space no one can hear her scream!

3. Grendel’s Mom - It’s a pity no one got her name, because in many ways she was the greater monster than her son, Grendel. She was also a loving mother, and like any good mother, when her son was killed she swore revenge and took to devouring and disemboweling those responsible. MILF factor - Grendel’s mom is the only monster on this list to ever be portrayed on film by Angelina Jolie, nuff said.

2. Lilith – Adam’s ex-wife has quite a varied past, and according to legend is probably responsible for far more miscarriages than births. Still, as a Queen among the Succubus she actually made an honest man out of Lucifer for a time, and bore him the magic androgynous goat demon Baphomet. Like all of her marriages though it didn’t last. She’s also been wife to many a demon, dragon, snake, and owl, and to most of them she’s born strange children. Thanksgiving dinner at the Lilith house should be a sight to behold. MILF factor -Totally desrving of her title of the ultimate seductress and source of nocturnal emissions.
1. Echidna – Seriously, who else but Echidna could hold the top spot amongst monster moms? Okay, so you might not have heard of her, but she is the undying nymph, the she viper, and the mother of all monsters. That means everyone from Dracula to Godzilla has to send her a Mothers Day card and a bouquet of flowers. Among the monsters she birthed were Cerberus, the Sphynx, the Chimera, the Hydra, and many more, including, according to the Greeks, all monsters everywhere. MILF Factor – She had the torso and head of a beautiful woman, the body of a snake, and unspeakable power. Pretty attractive so far, but with a title like the Mother Of All Monsters she must get pregnant at the drop of a hat, so in terms of wearing protection I’d recommend a suit of armor.


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