The Macabre and the Unusual

Monster Mondays

Dark Spots in Tinsel Town: Monster Hunting in LA

10. Bigfoot

You make think Bigfoots are only a Northwoods beast, but Los Angeles has 3 distinct breeds of city ape. The first is your standard bigfoot, 6-11 ft tall shaggy gigantopithecus. The first sighting came in 1973 when a full sized Macho Sasquatcho chased down a pick up truck out in San Fernando Valley. The beast got close enough to the vehicle that they could smell its breath, which they later told reporters was “stinky.” In 1974 a bigfoot was actually seen in the city, between 45th st and 47th st on Quartz Hill.

Best places to go bigfoot hunting: Big Rock Canyon in San Fernando Valley, Quartz Hill in the San Gabriel Mountains, Azusa at the San Gabriel Mountain Foothills, Campgrounds in Santa Clarita, Elizabeth Lake, Lancaster.

9. Skunk Ape
Bigfoots little brother is most commonly sighted in Florida, but he’s also been seen in Palos Verdes and Redondo Beach, moving in and out of the suburbs via the sewers and knocking over trash cans for food. Skunk ape stands about 4 to 5 feet tall and reeks.
Best Place to go Skunk Ape hunting: Palos Verdes near the Dominator shipwreck. Redondo beach fields and suburbs at night.

8. The Beast of Billiwhack

The third kind of LA bigfoot might not be an ape at all. Seen once in Santa Paula and once in nearby Ojai, the Billiwhack beast has an shaggy, grey-black ape-like body, but an extended muzzle and goat like horns. It may be related to the Krampus or Wampa. Known to raid farms for chicken, corn, and dairy products.

Best places to go Billiwhack hunting: The Billiwhack Dairy in Aliso Canyon, Santa Paula, farms and forests in the San Rafael mountains and Ojai.

7. Starcle Men

Believed to be visiting aliens or inter-dimensional beings, Starcle men are mysterious in nature and seem to only appear to people in an altered state of consciousness.

Best place to see Starcle Men – Sewers and tunnels beneath LA. Signs of their pressence is marked by locals with angry eyed, star man graffiti.

5.Gray Aliens – Out in Lancaster it seams everyone has seen a UFO at one point or another, and locals get into heated debates as to whether Gray Aliens have a sinister plan for us, or are the good guys trying to save us from the evil Reptoids. The mankind united cult of the 1930′s and the scien-ology cult of today both base a lot of their doctrine on the earthly struggles of good and bad extra terrestrials.

Best place to spot UFO’s – Mt Baldy, Giant Rock in Landers, Lancaster.

4. Sea Serpents

Sailors off the California coast from Monterey to Mexico occasionally reported seeing giant, hundred foot long sea serpents with human faces staring up at them from beneath the surface of the water or skimming along the surface. And it turned out to be real. Oar Fish like the one pictured above can reach hundreds of feet in length, exhibit all the behaviors of the California sea serpent, and even have a flat face and forehead, that at night or through the distortion of the water could easily be seen as human.

Best Place to go Sea Serpent Hunting: East Cape of Baja California, San Diego.


3. The Thunderbird

Since native American times people have reported seeing gigantic birds of prey flying over the Los Angeles valley with wings so powerful they sound like thunder and bring storms.. Some people even claim to have found their enormous feathers. In the La Brea Tar Pits bones of vultures that would dwarf even the larges condor have been found, leading some to speculate the Thunderbird may be a surviving Ice Age Vulture.

Best Place to see the ThunderBird: The La Brea Tar Pits Museum


2. Demons of Elizabeth Lake

Elizabeth Lake, near Lancaster, was believed by the natives to be a gateway to Hell. From that lake witnesses have seen Dragons, Giant Bats, Giant Pythons,and Reptoids emerge. Livestock near that water have been mysteriously devoured. In the 1880′s a farmer saw a six legged bulldog with bat wings feeding on a steer, he opened fire on it with his colt .45 but the bullets bounced off. In the 1990′s a horned kangaroo with bat wings was seen bounding away from the lake in broad daylight. Several goat carcasses were found mysteriously killed that week.

Best Place to go Demon Hunting: Elizabeth Lake, Lancaster

1. Reptoids

Reptoids are, according to legends, a race of reptilian men that live in tunnels and underground cities throughout Los Angeles and Lancaster. Stories about them date back to Indian times, some Indians called the “Snake Brothers,” others lived in terror of them. All manner of conspiracies are linked back through them, from drug epidemics to UFO’s to genetic engineering to the Illuminati to government mind control. They may be evolved Dinosaurs, Aliens, Demons, or interdimensional beings. They can be invisible. They feed on fear and will climb onto people back to control them, menace them and eat their fear. The mouths of their subterranean tunnels are believed to be in Lancaster. For more info check out http://www.reptoids.com.

Best Places to Go Reptoid Hunting: Elizabeth Lake, Lancaster, Fort Moore Hill, the public library on Fifth st, the Southwest museum on museum dr, at the foot of Mt Washington.


Monster Mondays – Hammerhead Salamander Diplocaulus

As part of the the  Dapper Cadaver Blogs Monster Mondays, today I bring you the Hammerhead Salamander, a creature from 300 million years ago, modern Japan, outer space, Marsascala, or in Bahrija, depending on what you believe.

Fact, the Diplocaulus was not a salamander at all, as he pre-dates them by several million years, he’s an early tetrapod, a fish-amphibian with 4 legs that were the first vertebrates to climb onto the muddy shores of the primordial seas. His distinctive hammer head is believed to be an adaptation for hydroplaning through the water, or to make him hard to swallow, but it’s really not known.  Diplocaulus were about 2 to 4 feet in length.

The photo above was taken in 2004. Making this little guy a real survivor, if he’s real. Most people believe the photo is a hoax, although that itself is an amazing thing. Every weekend cryptologist wants to find or fake bigfoot  or the Loch Ness monster, but the Diplocaulus? Sure its weird looking, but no ones ever heard of them. You’ve got to admire the geekiness as well as the artsmanship of the faker, if this is a fake.

The most common explanation is that it was made from a model kit or by a Japanese sculptor, although a search for the artist yelded nothing, I did find one commercially available Diplo model in Japan.

Clearly not the same. The origins of this photo remain a mystery, and Diplo’s remain probably extinct.

Diplo’s have also turned up in space, as monsters in Pitch Black

But more often they’re chubby giant amphibians that are only menacing to small fish and have the weirdest head of any four legged animal ever. Their skull is just a bone boomerang with cartoon eye holes

Enjoy the many weird flavors of Diplo here 


Monster Mondays: Mutant Unicorns

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unicorndeer_2, originally uploaded by Boju.

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog’s ongoing Monster Monday’s project, today I bring you the strangest perversion of a prevision of nature ever, The Mutant Unicorn. The Mutant Unicorn is proof that mankind as a species is little more than the 8 year old daughter of Dr. Frankenstein. We just want them to be real so bad, we’ll do anything to make it happen. The inbred little fellow above is a unicorn deer born in captivity in Italy. Park keepers are saying it’s just a genetic flaw, but I suspect the meddling hand of science.

The earliest mutant unicorn came in 1930, as a result of tinkering by the mad Dr. Dove of Maine. Hypothesizing that in a newborn horned animal the horn growing plate would not yet be fused to the skull, he cut into the head of a baby bull, removed both of it’s horns nodes and grafted them right between the eyes. The results are below

As a calf the bull discovered that it could charge any other bull and win, and for fear of having their brains impaled on a massive horn, all other bulls became submissive to it. Interestingly rather than becoming a, ahem, bully, the bulls dominance over the herd was so solid he rarely had to but heads or charge anyone. He did discover that his curved forhead horn was perfect for uprooting fences, and he loved to tear up peoples yards. Damn Unicorn Bull’s in the tomatoes again!

Our next Mutant Unicorn also came from the 30′s, behold the Unicorn Man of China.

Ripley wanted to place this man in his exhibit as the human unicorn, but he disappeared like an elusive unicorn not long after his photo was first taken. The mythical spiral horn was most likely a tumor.

During the cold war, atomic radiation could turn anything into lethal radioactive mutants, even unicorns!

When I was a kid in the eighties some “Naturalists” (read :Hippies) decided to create a Unicorn from a goat. They also “magically” removed the billy goats foul odor and grumpy disposition. IE, they did another Dr. Dove skull graft job, and removed his billy balls. The naturalists were named Morning Glory and Otter G’Zell (read: mega space hippies). They took they’re beautiful goaticorn on tour to county fairs and in the RIngling bros circus, which is where I saw it. While it was rather underwhelming to see a goat billed as a unicorn, one can’t deny that it only had one horn.


Otter G’Zell is currently headmaster at the Grey School of Wizardry, and wow, his story is so weird, just google it. Most recently his goaticorn appeared for a split second in a chewing gum commercial in which Snoop Doggy Dog goes to hell. I thought I was delirious until my wife confirmed my vision

The most recent mutant unicorn to pop up is this mutant horsicorn. Although this image is of unconfirmed validity. Some claim the horn is a painful growth, others claim it’s a work of art, and others claim it’s a unicorn. I believe someone may have finally had the brilliant notion of grafting a horn node onto a baby horses head. Now how can we graft on giant eagle wings to make a pegacorn?

As with Otter G’Zell’s goaticorn, the deericorn is attracting a devoted following of new age believers. Amazing what a little post-natal skin graft can do.


Monster Mondays – The Glashtin

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kelpie.jpg, originally uploaded by Boju.

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog’s ongoing Monster Monday project, today I bring you a Father’s Day Monster from The Isle of Man

The Glashtin is a Manx water-horse ( not to be confused with a sea-horse) with a fondness for lonely girls, and has been know to feed off their bodies and blood. He’s a shape shifter who can transform from a sort of Mer-Horse into a perfectly handsome looking human, with horse ears. He can also appear as a half-man half-horse, and a normal horse. In each form he’s incredibly muscular and looking for someone to ride him, a journey which always leads back to the still waters he calls home, where his rider discovers they can’t jump from his back, and they get pulled to their deaths.

Glashtins can be put to good use, as farm hands, if you can control them,. They’re basically a horse with the hands of a man, or a man with the strength of a horse. Just watch your daughter and keep a fire burning. They’re scared of fire and vulnerable to burns (aren’t we all?).

Glashtins will often seek out lonely young girls, like run aways, or farmers daughters living far from cities and other people. They can appear as handsome young men, or even as the girls own father, anything to get in the house. They’re easily tricked by men in drag, who they mistake for ladies. Many a Glashtin has been put down by a gun toting farmer in a skirt. Forget fire, Trannies are a Glashtins real weakness.

There’s a famous tale of a Glashtin in the form of a girl’s long lost father appearing in a rain storm. She unlocked the door and welcomed him in. As he sat by the fireplace to warm himself, he removed his hat and the girl noticed he had horses ears. She grabbed a burning coal from the fire and burned that Glashtin, and he fled.

Folklore always talks about a weakness to fire like it some magic thing. As though if I jabbed a burning coal into the face of a human that’d be cool. They say if you set a wall on fire a Glashtin won’t cross it. I’m pretty sure in that scenario the Glashtin is the smart one, cause now your trapped in side a burning, albeit Glashtin free, house.


Monster Monday: Dossenus

Happy Monster Monday everybody! It’s been a couple weeks since our last post. I just moved into a beautiful new house in Echo Park and spent last week doing blood pools on the set of Dexter, so I haven’t been at the desk for a spell.
This week the Dapper Cadaver blog brings you a creature from ancient Greece – Dossenus, the ever-chomping!
Dossenus is a monster who eats everything, like a Pac Man. He wears a theatrical Manducus mask, a classical greek drama mask which depicts a man chewing or grimacing. Or sometimes the Manducus is his sidekick and is a monster in it’s own right.
Beneath his mask Dossenus was part man, part animal, part manimal, and all monster. He could devour anything and the greeks and romans both feared he would devour the “Cosmic Theater,”- the universe. Kind of like a locust from hell.
The Dossenus is also the name of an order of jumping spiders that like to vibrate and bang their butts to make music and attract a mate. They also want to eat the cosmic theater.


Monster Mothers Day: Top 10 Mother-Monsters (and were they MILFs?)

As part of Dapper Cadaver’s ongoing Monster Monday series, today I bring you a very special tribute to all the mother monsters out there. It is a testament to our love of mothers and our sympathy for them that in the mythological tradition of 6 billion people spanning 10 thousand years I could barely find 10 beings that could rightly be called monster mothers. Those that do fit the bill though are terrifying and powerful indeed, like a rampaging mother grizzly horribly mutated and kind of hot.
10. Mother-Of-Fishes - As her name states, a giant fish that protects all the fish and creatures of the sea and inland waterways. Said to be a trout so large her back is an island with trees growing on it. MILF factor – 0

9. Gargamelle - Gargamelle is not just the evil alchemist who wants to eat smurfs or something in the smurfs, Gargamelle is also a giantess in French mythology and the mother of Gargantua. MILF factor not much judging from this picture

8. Mother Flog – Mother Flog is a stout little matron elf who hides in saucepans to catch greedy children in the act of ruining their appetites. She then flogs them mercilessly. MILF factor - despite a sexy name, Mother Flog just doesn’t follow through.

7. Coinchenn - A dog headed woman and the fatal protector of her child, the beautiful Delbehaem. A prophet told Coinchenn she would die once her daughter was engaged, so Dog-Head took to decapitating every young man who came within 50 feet of her daughter. The heads were displayed on brass spikes in Coinchenn’s garden. MILF factor - Delbehaem must have gotten her hot body from this half-milf, but Coinchenn was cursed with a head only a furry could love.

6. Bapets – Bapets are a monster already covered in the Monster Monday blog at Dapper Cadaver. These creatures were big breasted cannibals that loured toddlers away from their village and suckled them on poison milk. MILF Factor - What part of big breasted cannibal isn’t a turn on?

5. Medusa - Everyone should know about Medusa, the queen gorgon with hair of snakes whose gaze could turn a man to stone. But did you know she’s also a mother? Yep, she gave birth to Pegasus, the winged horse. Somehow. At the time she was shacking up with Poseidon, the sea god, so he’s credited as the father, but I’d seriously file a paternity suit if I was him. MILF factor - Medusa had a hot torso, and possibly a hot lower section (although sometimes that’s snakes too). But the whole line about “putting a bag on her head” probably started here, because not only was Medusa face ugly and covered in snakes, she could literally kill a man just by looking at him.

4. Queen Alien - The mother of all the badness in the universe is this giant, egg laying, face hugging, 4 armed, 2 mouthed freak. Still she was a loving mother and a lady through and through. As this photo proves she knew how to find the right high heels to go with her outfit. MILF factor – in space no one can hear her scream!

3. Grendel’s Mom - It’s a pity no one got her name, because in many ways she was the greater monster than her son, Grendel. She was also a loving mother, and like any good mother, when her son was killed she swore revenge and took to devouring and disemboweling those responsible. MILF factor - Grendel’s mom is the only monster on this list to ever be portrayed on film by Angelina Jolie, nuff said.

2. Lilith – Adam’s ex-wife has quite a varied past, and according to legend is probably responsible for far more miscarriages than births. Still, as a Queen among the Succubus she actually made an honest man out of Lucifer for a time, and bore him the magic androgynous goat demon Baphomet. Like all of her marriages though it didn’t last. She’s also been wife to many a demon, dragon, snake, and owl, and to most of them she’s born strange children. Thanksgiving dinner at the Lilith house should be a sight to behold. MILF factor -Totally desrving of her title of the ultimate seductress and source of nocturnal emissions.
1. Echidna – Seriously, who else but Echidna could hold the top spot amongst monster moms? Okay, so you might not have heard of her, but she is the undying nymph, the she viper, and the mother of all monsters. That means everyone from Dracula to Godzilla has to send her a Mothers Day card and a bouquet of flowers. Among the monsters she birthed were Cerberus, the Sphynx, the Chimera, the Hydra, and many more, including, according to the Greeks, all monsters everywhere. MILF Factor – She had the torso and head of a beautiful woman, the body of a snake, and unspeakable power. Pretty attractive so far, but with a title like the Mother Of All Monsters she must get pregnant at the drop of a hat, so in terms of wearing protection I’d recommend a suit of armor.


Monster Mondays – The Butatsch Ah ILgs

Stichopus-sp-1

As part of Dapper Cadaver’s ongoing Monster Monday’s project today I bring you the most horrible thing Switzerland has ever produced, the Butatsch Ah ILgs.

The Butatsch is a great and terrifying amorphous blob, like a swollen stomach, but covered with leering eyes that can shoot fire. The Butatsch lived at the bottoms of lakes, at the gateways between earth and hellish neitherworlds. The fire from its eyes was the very same as the hellfire of eternal damnation.

For I think obvious reasons, no fishermen would fish in the waters where the Butatsch was said to dwell, but the beast was so feared that no shepherd would allow there sheep to graze on any hillside facing his infernal lake.

Since no Butatsch has ever been photographed, the part of the Butatsch is being played by a Stichopus Sea Cucumber.


Monster Mondays: Long Wang

Monster Mondays: long wang

As part of the Dapper Cadaver blogs Monster Mondays, I bring you a king amongst Chinese Dragons – Long Wang!

Long Wang is a serene type of dragon and the specific dragon of the “Year of The Dragon” part of the Chinese zodiac. They presides over watery weather and scaly creatures like lizards and fish.

Being in charge of water and rain, Long Wangs often dribble themselves with dewdrops or come in floods.

The noble Long Wang does not understand why Westerners constantly snicker around it and laugh behind Long Wang’s back.
Treat the mighty Long Wang with awe and respect.


Monster-a-Day: Redjal El Marja

Redjal El Marja

Today Dapper Cadaver’s Monster-a-day project brings you the our first monster from the Middle East. These creatures are known as the Redjal El Marja and they are giants with the torso of a Djinn (Genie) and the tail of a fish, making them three monsters in one, the Giant Genie Merman. If only one were bitten by a cursed wolf, then you’d have a Giant Genie WereMer

Unlike most Mers, the Redjal live in marshlands, mostly near the town of Marrakech in Morrocco. Their name translates to “Men of the Marshes”

Aside from the occasional human wandering into the marsh and earning himself a curse, a wish, or a murder at the hands of the Redjal, the townsfolk and the mermen were able to coexist for quite some time. But as Merrakech expanded, the decision was made to drain the marsh.

Made vengeful by the loss of their muddy homeland, the Redjals slithered into the canals and up to the reservoir which supplied every well and fountain in Merrakech with drinking water. The Redjals threatened to pollute the water and make it undrinkable.

When a man that big threatens to pollute your water supply it can only mean one thing. The people of Merrakech posted signs around the reservoir saying things like “Please enjoy our ‘ool. Notice there’s no “P” in it. Please keep it that way” But to know avail.

Finally the monsters and men reached an agreement by offering the Redjals tribute and setting candles around the water supplies, which really helped the Redjals to relax


Monster-a-Day: Baku

baku 2

Today the Dapper Cadaver blog brings you the Japanese Baku, the monster that eats nightmares

Baku are described as something like a monster tapir, or more specifically, having a head something like an elephant, a body something like a large and fat horse, the mane of a lion, and the legs and paws of a tiger.

In your early waking moments, you may call for the Baku, or the Baku may find you while hunting nightmares. The Baku feeds on nightmares. Don’t open your eyes though because seeing it may cause new ones. It uses it’s trunk to hold the nightmares and suck them up like a vacuum cleaner. Once the nightmare is eaten, you won’t remember it happening.

baku feeding

And this is why so many people forget their dreams right before they wake up.
baku catching nightmares

Monster sketch from this awesome site Monster alphabet blog


Monster-a-Day: The Miqqiayuuq

Cloverfield or Miqqiayuuq
The above image actually may be a concept art depiction of the Cloverfield Monster, but it reminds me of the Miqqiayuuq, so thats what I’m calling it. In fact, just like the Cloverfield Monster, there are no clear images or depictions of the dreaded Miqqiayuuq, so the similarity may be more than superficial.

The Miqqiayuuq is a giant, dark, hairy and most terrifying of all – faceless sea monster from the icy depths of Canada’s Hudson Bay and surrounding iced over fresh water . Miqqi, as his friends call him, though he has no friends, lurks in the depths, usually only seen as a great heaving dark shape.

This demonous monster would slide beneath the ice whenever the local Inuit came to the waters edge to fish or collect water, and he would reach our with his arms like tree trunks and great clawed hands and flip over their buckets and…
Thats it. That’s all he’s ever been recorded doing. More of a nuisance really, spilling fish and water. Or maybe just an excuse used by drunk ice fisherman as to why they returned empty handed. With all that size and sheer terror-ness it seems like kind of a waste. Maybe Cloverfield happened because Miqqi realized he could do so much more than be The Monster Who Flips Buckets.
New York isn’t that far from the Hudson.


Monster-a-Day: Tanuki

Happy Valentines Day from Dapper Cadaver’s Monster-a-Day blog! In honor of Valentines Day I dug deep into world folklore to find the sexiest monster to ever walk the earth. Sure voluptuous mermaids, seductive succubus, or studly centaurs are pretty hot, but for sheer sexiness, nothing is beats a big set of balls. And for big balls, nothing beats the Japanese Tanuki.

The Tanuki is a kind of Raccoon-Dog with a fat belly and a big hat. He’s usually seen carrying a bottle of sake because he’s drunk and rowdy, and an unpaid bill, which he will never pay. Tanuki also have gigantic balls, and since scrotum skin can change shape, Tanuki can wrap themselves in their own scrotums to turn into anything. Like most shapeshifters, Tanuki are rowdy, playful, lusty, and clever. Definitely a classic trickster, Tanuki run the gamut of being lucky like leprechauns to malicious like hobgoblins, but most falling in between – mischievous.

By now I’ve probably gotten you so steamed up your just dying to see those balls. Well, here are a few of my favorite Tanuki with giant balls images. Just google tanuki for thousands more. The Japanese love these guys and put them everywhere.

NSFW!
A giant Tanuki whose balls dwarf a tourist

Tanuki doing the classic “See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” pose, except no one is covering their balls and they all have huge erections

Tanuki using their scrotums as drums and sleeping bags

Tanuki beating japanese business men silly with their giant balls

Wow. That was hot. That should put you love birds in the mood. Happy Valentines day!


Monster-a-Day: Yara-Ma-Yha-Who


As part of Dapper Cadaver’s ongoing Monster-a-Day project I bring you an odd little nursery bogie from a land without nurseries – The Yara-Ma-Yha-Who of Australia.

These short little men resemble some sort of bad acid dream muppet. They’re 4 ft tall, with red skin, huge round heads, round glowing eyes, big toothless frog mouths, chubby bellies, and weird little arms and legs. They’re arms end in tentacles, which they use to hang from strangler fig trees and to suck the blood out of disobedient children.

These Yha-Who’s also like to swallow children whole with their giant mouths. Children must be very salty though, because often the Yha-Who grows so thirsty that it drinks until it throws up the child, still alive and intact, but somehow noticeably smaller than before

A great page on the Yha-Who can be found here


Monster-a-day: Vampira (RIP)

Vampira V

Vampira, also known by her mortal name Mailia Nurmi, passed away yesterday. She was 85 or 86, reports vary.

Vampira discovered what may be the greatest schtick in the history of mankind during the 1950′s. Inspired by the look of Morticia Addams, Vampira added campy humor, double entendres, B-movies, and unbelievable cleavage. This unstoppable combo has often been imitated, never surpassed.

Her most famous performance is as a mute zombie chick who dresses like a vampire in Ed Wood’s opus “Plan 9 from Outer Space,” but what made her a star was her TV Hostessing. Unfortunately footage of her show is incredibly hard to come by, as there are no official recordings.


Monster-a-day: The Yeti

stanislav_16b

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Monster-a-day project today I bring you the Yeti, a familiar monster with an unfamiliar history.
The Yeti or Yeh-Teh of Tibet and Nepal have been seen since time immemorial, and appear in several ancient Buddhist works of the region. Many believe the Yeti is an demon ape who converted to Buddhism. They were first seen by westerners in 1951 on Eric Shipton’s ascent of Mt. Everest. The Yeti is described as a large, hairy ape man who walks erect. His fur is usually dark, but sometimes white to blend with the snow.
Yeti fits the description of the believed to be extinct Gigantopithecus a 10 ft tall ape species who lived 100 thousand years ago in China. Many believe the worlds most remote locations still hold Gigantopithecus.
The above image comes from Polish born sculpter-painter-illustrator Stanislav Szulkalski. Szulkalski believed he had discover evidence of a secret history of mankind, in which modern man first appeared in Easter Island where they were subjugated by Yeti. Ever since modern man spread out to populate the world Yeti have been responsible for nearly all the evil and calamity that has befallen us. This pseudoscience he named Zermatism, and the original people The Protong. He wrote a 40 volume fully illustrated encyclopedia on Zermatism. Excerpts of the encyclopedia, and illustrations can be seen here

““Those that saved themselves from drowning, noticed that these creatures also had the fortune to survive, so they named them accordingly, everywhere on this globe in one language, my Protong. The present name Sasquatch was then ‘Sa Z Gladz’, which means ‘Here From Destroyed’ (i.e. the deluged continent)” (p75-6).”

Yeti also cross bred with people to form a race known as Yetisyn, abominations to Szulkalski. Yetisyn were adopted as highest level humans to the postmodern cult, the subgeniuses.

” SubGenii often refer to one another as “Yeti” (or yetynsyni), though this origin story is generally not well known outside of the Church itself. The heritage of the Yeti is said to give SubGenius members access to magical powers, an ability to psychically overpower non-yetisyn and way more hair on their ass than your average half-evolved monkeyboy. “


Monster-a-day: The Scissorman

scissorman

As part of Monster-a-Day on the Dapper Cadaver Blog, today I bring you “The Scissor-man”

Children need to be taught that actions have consequences and bad behavior will result in trouble, even when the parents are away. Sure, you could tell a kid that if he sucks his thumb his teeth will come in crooked and everyone will tease him, but he’s not going to believe that.

He will believe that a long legged supernatural tailor will come in through the window and cut through the bones of his thumb with giant silver scissor. Plus it’s more fun to say.

These are called Nursery Bogeys. For every naughty behavior there is a monster who exists to punish it. Parents and nannies have relied on nursery bogeys to be scare their kids into good behavior for centuries.

The Scissorman is one of the most famous, featured in the story book and opera Struwwelpeter / Shock Headed Peter.

What he does with the thumb is never explained. But then again neither is what the tooth fairy (a benign nursery bogey) does with those teeth. Which always worried me as a child.

I’m watching you, kiddies
scissor boys II men


Monster-a-day: The Scissorman

scissorman

As part of Monster-a-Day on the Dapper Cadaver Blog, today I bring you “The Scissor-man”

Children need to be taught that actions have consequences and bad behavior will result in trouble, even when the parents are away. Sure, you could tell a kid that if he sucks his thumb his teeth will come in crooked and everyone will tease him, but he’s not going to believe that.

He will believe that a long legged supernatural tailor will come in through the window and cut through the bones of his thumb with giant silver scissor. Plus it’s more fun to say.

These are called Nursery Bogeys. For every naughty behavior there is a monster who exists to punish it. Parents and nannies have relied on nursery bogeys to be scare their kids into good behavior for centuries.

The Scissorman is one of the most famous, featured in the story book and opera Struwwelpeter / Shock Headed Peter.

What he does with the thumb is never explained. But then again neither is what the tooth fairy (a benign nursery bogey) does with those teeth. Which always worried me as a child.

I’m watching you, kiddies
scissor boys II men


Monster-a-day: Fearsome Critters

feejee mer-rat

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog Monster a day project, today I bring you the Fearsome Critters

Fearsome Critters arouse as tall tales told by American Lumberjacks. Whether they were drunk, trying to amuse each other, playing pranks on rookies and city slickers, or trying to explain odd creatures or phenomenon is debatable. Probably all of the above.

Fearsome critters are notable for their awesome names and rediculess nature. They are as follows-

Humany Beasts

* Agropelter
* Hyampom Hog Bear
* Tote-road Shagamaw
* Whirling Whimpus

Quadrupeds

* Axehandle hound
* Central American Whintosser
* Flittericks
* Funeral Mountain Terrashot
* Gumberoo
* Glawackus
* Gyascutus
* Hugag
* Jackalope
* Sidehill gouger
* Squonk
* Teakettler
* Tripodero
* Wampus cat
* Whangdoodle
* Wapaloosie

Miscellaneousupeds

* Hidebehind
* Snow Wasset

Fish

* Fur-bearing trout
* Goofang

Serpents

* Hodag
* Hoop snake
* Joint snake
* Snoligoster


Monster-a-day: Bapets

noreen_cannibal_woman

As part of Dapper Cadaver’s Monster-a-day project I bring you the Bapets. These were a race of female cannibals from the American West who were one of many races of cannibals who terrorized the Native Americans.

Bapets had enormous breasts filled with poisonous milk that could kill instantly. They had a taste for young children, whom they would kidnap, suckle, kill, and eat their dismembered bodies

Bapets lived forever, and could only be killed by obsidian arrows.

Indian mothers used legends of Bapets to scare their youngsters (and presumably husbands) not to be taken in by friendly, attractive strangers.

Bapets have been seen in the American Southwest as recently as 1988.
Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death


Monster-a-day: Polybotes

Monster-a-day: polybotes - archieve image 2

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog “Monster-a-Day” Project I bring you the Greek giant Polybotes.

What caught my eye about this brute was the story of his birth.
Polybotes was born when Zeus castrated Uranus and Uranus’s penis blood fell to earth (Gaea) fertilizing her with a race of giants.

You don’t see that everyday. Not even on the internet.

Polybotes and his brothers known as Gigantes declared war on the gods and got their asses handed to them. Polybotes was personally defeated by Poseidon, making him the only non-human Poseidon ever defeated. The Telemundo show Sabado Gigante is named in their memory.

He’s described as having snakes for legs and snakes heads for toes, but no one ever draws him that way. Except the guy below, who uses the snake-leg thing mostly to get Polybotes to spread eagle and show of his giant’s ass. Usually he’s shown as a giant, an ogre, or even a regular sized guy.


Monster-a-day: Polybotes

Monster-a-day: polybotes - archieve image 2

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog “Monster-a-Day” Project I bring you the Greek giant Polybotes.

What caught my eye about this brute was the story of his birth.
Polybotes was born when Zeus castrated Uranus and Uranus’s penis blood fell to earth (Gaea) fertilizing her with a race of giants.

You don’t see that everyday. Not even on the internet.

Polybotes and his brothers known as Gigantes declared war on the gods and got their asses handed to them. Polybotes was personally defeated by Poseidon, making him the only non-human Poseidon ever defeated. The Telemundo show Sabado Gigante is named in their memory.

He’s described as having snakes for legs and snakes heads for toes, but no one ever draws him that way. Except the guy below, who uses the snake-leg thing mostly to get Polybotes to spread eagle and show of his giant’s ass. Usually he’s shown as a giant, an ogre, or even a regular sized guy.


Monster-a-day: Flaming Teeth

flaming teeth at burning man by tristan savatier

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog “Monster-a-Day” Project I bring you today’s monster all the way from Fiji (home of my favorite mermaids by the way).

This giant’s name is Flaming Teeth, and it is well known he would win in a face off with the Flaming Lips.

Flaming teeth was a giant who ate men on the Fijian archipelago. He was so large that his teeth were full sized wooden logs that always burned. He was the first person on Fiji to cook his food, which he did while chewing.

Flaming teeth would terrorize the Fijians everyday, not just eating them, which would have been bad enough, but reeking havoc on their villages as well. And when a giant is reeking anything it must be stopped. So a band of braves came together with a plan – they lured it under a cliff and smashed it’s skull with boulders. The teeth were still burning, so the Fijians took the flaming teeth back to the village, and that is how they discovered fire.

The top image is from burningman.com and the photo is by Tristan Savatier. The image below is by Macula, who has many awesome illustrations of monsters at Macula.tv.

If you’d like to get some teeth and light them on fire, we do have teeth props at dapper cadaver


Monster-a-day: The Lusca or St Augustines Octopus

Lusca

Here’s a creature that’s been sighted from St. Augustine Florida to the Bahamas – The Giant Octopus, also known as the Lusca or St. Augustines Octopus.

While scientists have recently proven the existence of Giant Squids, there’s not yet any conclusive proof of Giant Octopus.

The creature in the photo is estimated to be over 200 ft long. Octopus are known to be aggressive, and the it’s quite likely that many Kraken stories and Bermuda Triangle stories are actually Lusca stories.

Todays monster is in honor of my new flickr group Octopus on Yo Head

For your own baby Lusca, click here

For more info on the Lusca visit the Shadowlands Sea Serpent page


Daily Monsters – Loha Mukha

These monsters were giants who were feared cannibals in ancient India. They had iron faces, and only one leg . Despite difficulty moving, they were ferocious hunters and feed exclusively on human flesh. They were territorial, and ate anyone who entered they’re territory.

- from Giants, Monsters, and Dragons. By Carol Rose


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