The Macabre and the Unusual

Count Bacula

loxodonta penis anatomy
The Bacula Research Project (BRP) needs your help! The group is studying the variety of bacula found in the mammal family and is trying to locate a few unusual specimens of baculum.

“WHAT’S A BACULUM?” you’re probably asking. It’s the penis bone. Now don’t get excited, you don’t have one. Humans are amongst the few animals that don’t have bacula. Along with Koala Bears and duck billed platypuses, when we get a hard on, its hard from blood pressure alone. Other beasties get an erection with no viagra necessary, they’re hard as a bone in seconds because they have a bone there already.

various bacula

various bacula

I was recently contacted by a researcher for the Bacula Research Project in need of a few specimens.

The first is the American Hog-nosed Skunk (Conepatus leuconotus). Found in the American Southwest this skunk is distinguished from other skunks by a single, solid white stripe down it’s back and a bald, pink nose. If you don’t mind getting intimate with skunk dick, contact me.

you want my WHAT?

you want my WHAT?

The other two creatures are both moles.
Coast Mole (Scapanus orarius) Townsend’s Mole (Scapanus townsendii). Both are found in the Pacific Northwest. For these we’ll probably need the whole specimen, as the mole penis is an organ so minute they respond to every male enhancement add they see, or to quote the BRP “The bacula from these two species of moles are less than 0.5mm in diameter and would require a microscope to confirm. Unless you know what your looking for and where its located, the baculum located in the distal portion of the penile organ would be removed along with the dermal skinning of the carcass. The baculum is a heterotopical bone and therefore not part of the skeletal system.”

Contact me if you’re in the north woods and interested in trapping moles.

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